tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31055539114175149392024-02-19T05:20:25.824-08:00My Journey of Hope, Faith, Love & LifeNicole C.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11850503253729234095noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-33191861756291894842015-08-12T12:00:00.002-07:002015-08-12T12:00:48.999-07:00Finding Faith Through The SorrowHi all! It's been a little while since I've last updated my blog. As you all know from my last post, things have been pretty crazy and stressful. I was so sick til about 9-10 weeks pregnant. I truly thought I wasn't going to make it. Again. This was by the far the worst I had ever felt. And during that time, all I could do was pray and pray. I needed comfort and guidance. Slowly, I started getting a little better and was able to get out of bed and do some things on my own. Thankfully, I didn't have morning sickness on top of everything else that was going on. And I am eternally grateful for that, because there was no way I could've done that with everything else.<br />
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Since then, I've still had some really rough days. Days where I'm in bed all day dealing with dumb Lyme issues. And the breakdowns continue. They don't occur as often anymore, but they definitely still happen. As hard as days get and as much as I may cry sometimes, I still rely on the Lord and my faith in Him. I don't think a day has gone by since I've gotten pregnant where I haven't prayed to Heavenly Father. And I've now just realized this while typing. In my mind, pregnancy was not something I was ready for physically. Of course emotionally and mentally that's all I wanted. I wanted to be normal and be able to conceive a child with my amazing husband. When it happened, I was in shock. And I think I still am some days. But I knew that the Lord knew what He was doing regardless of how much suffering I was and still am going through. That day I found out, I had prayed so hard for a miracle to get better because I didn't want to die. I told Him I was putting all my faith in Him and needed a miracle so badly. When that positive sign showed up on my test, I knew in my heart, this was a miracle. I literally just witnessed a miracle. I know I've mentioned that in my last post, but every time I talk about it, I just feel the Spirit so strongly and know that Heavenly Father knows each of us so well. He knows us better than we know ourselves and knows what we are capable of overcoming and withstanding in this world. Even if that means we have to climb insanely steep mountains, suffer tremendously, or go through moments of uncertainty. Which is everything I've gone through. He is there along side us the whole entire time, even when we feel alone. And sometimes we need to feel that small moment of being alone. Just like our Savior felt when he was being crucified. He felt alone too. Just like we do during difficult times.<br />
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Every single day is unpredictable. I wake up and try to be as positive as I can. I tell myself I feel good and have the strength and energy to get up today. I have to do this throughout the day to keep me going when I feel like I can't. I turn to Heavenly Father many times during the day. I am constantly praying and reading to seek comfort and guidance. There are still days I want to quit and give up, but every time I think about this miracle growing inside of me, I think, "How can I give up?" I have everything to be fighting for. Not only this miracle baby, but my amazing husband. My family. I know that one day there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I know this baby has been brought to us during this time for a reason. I know God has heard my prayers, even if it feels they haven't been answered. I know through the pain and sorrow there are blessings. I know my faith has constantly been tested over the last 2 years, and more now than ever, but I know there are big blessings in store. I have days where my faith has been at it's lowest, hanging by less than a thread, but I still keep praying and searching. I have everything to look forward to and have a wonderful family that will be started soon. I have to rely on Heavenly Father to make it through. Each day is a test of faith and will continue to be. It will also continue to strengthen me and shape me into the person that our Heavenly Father has sent me here to be.<br />
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I've been reading a lot about faith recently and the other day I came across an ensign article "A Time for Faith, Not Fear". I knew I had read it before, but felt so strongly that I needed to read it again. So I did. I was reading and then just started skimming through. Which is when I came across this - "Faith is a principle of action. The answers to prayer and the solutions to our problems generally come as we act, not while we are on our knees praying." Read that again. And just let that sink it. At first I thought, "How can I act when I am not physically able to do much at all??" "How is that fair?" Then it hit me... I've been sitting/lying here every day praying to Heavenly Father for answers and guidance. And I've been reading. I haven't really been "acting". I've kind of given up hope on Dr.'s, people, basically everything. I realized that I have to not only have faith in God, but I have to have faith in everyone and everything around me. I have to be proactive. I have to ACT. Whether this means do more research or reading or whatever, I have to keep acting and looking for the answers. They don't always come during a prayer. And That has disappointed me many times. It's left me feeling sad and impatient not knowing what to do. After reading this article I knew I had to do more and I can't expect an answer every single time I pray for one. I think we all get impatient at times and we want answers right then and there. We need to learn to trust, to have faith, to act. Facing the trials we do, builds faith and confidence. We grow more than we ever thought possible. And we learn to have faith in ourselves. Trusting God means trusting ourselves as well. Being a pregnant person with a chronic disease will not stop me, even on days when I feel like it will, because I have faith. And I know this experience will only continue to make me a better person and grow to become something more than I ever thought possible.<br />
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I hope each of you who read this will receive light and hope. I hope you will be inspired to ACT. Never give up because there is always one being on your side, God.<br />
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Love to all,<br />
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Nicole <3Nicole C.http://www.blogger.com/profile/11850503253729234095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-54980715465721195242015-07-15T07:41:00.002-07:002015-07-18T19:12:31.891-07:00Pregnancy, Lyme & Miracles A lot of things have happened since my last post 3 months ago. Shortly after my last post, I got extremely sick. My husband had to go out of town for work so I was staying with my cousin for a couple nights, then she we were going to Idaho and she was going to drop me off at my moms. I was so sick. I couldn't sleep at night because every time I would doze off, I'd wake up immediately with my heart racing and pounding super hard. I had these horrible sensations in my head that I can't even explain very well. Almost like all the blood in my head dropped completely. Then I started getting a severe pain in the right side of my head. Typically I can find ways to help my headaches, migraines or whatever. But not this time. The pain was so sharp and I felt like I was being stabbed in the head over and over. I ended up back in the ER. They wanted to do a CT scan just to make sure there wasn't anything serious causing the pain. I didn't want any meds because I had already been in the ER not long before and I absolutely hate meds. Well they gave them to me anyways and I just had a really bad feeling before. Right after they gave me the meds, my body freaked out. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. My heart wouldn't stop racing, my body wouldn't stop shaking and moving, I couldn't breathe well and I just wanted to die. They said it was "normal"... Which it wasn't. I was so out of it the rest of the day/night. I couldn't eat anything because every time I tried, I'd start gagging and want to throw up. Anyways, my cousin's husband and neighbor gave me a blessing that night. The next day I woke up and was feeling somewhat better. My body still felt awful from the meds and it made me feel extremely anxious. I kept getting nauseous the whole way to my moms. I just kept praying in my head that I would be okay on the drive to Idaho and it would go by fast. Luckily I got to my moms without having any major issues. I figured I'd feel better after lying down and getting rest. Well, turns out I just kept getting worse. Every time I'd try to sleep, those awful feelings in my head would hit and my heart would go crazy. This would happen all night long and I'd wake up multiple times. I'd wake up super sick to my stomach each time as well. Each day just kept getting worse. I was so weak, I had no appetite, my head felt so horrible (and no, not just like a headache.. it's very hard to explain the feeling), my sister had to help me get up to go the bathroom, help change my clothes, etc. She helped me outside a couple days to try and get some fresh air and sunshine. It was either the second or third day she took me outside, I got very sick. As I stood up for her to help me back in the house, I knew something was very wrong. My heart was pounding so hard it was making it difficult to breathe. We got inside and I knew I had to go back to the hospital. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I hate that place more than anything and I dread having to go any time I do. My mom and sister helped me to the car and my mom drove as quick as she could. I was struggling to breathe still while my heart was freaking out and my stomach hurt so bad. My head was spinning and so many bad sensations were being felt again. We got to the hospital and I couldn't even get out of the car. They helped me into a wheelchair and got me right in. My body was shaking nonstop and I was trying so hard to control it with my mind and calm everything down, but nothing was working. We got in the room and I passed out. Over and over. I couldn't stay conscious for longer than a couple minutes at a time. They gave me an IV of fluids right away and started drawing blood. I told them I did not want any pain or nausea meds whatsoever. They listened to me and didn't make me have them. After finally being able to explain to them what was going on, the Dr. looked very concerned. My weight had dropped from 103 to 96 pounds just in those couple days. I was severely dehydrated from not being able to eat. They gave me 2-3 bags of fluid while they were running tests. My blood work was fine, except for my potassium being low, which always happens. After talking to the Dr. and telling him the stuff about my head, he said they'd like to do a scan. I didn't want to do another one so I told him I would pass. I was just so sick of being in hospitals, but I felt like I was truly going to die while at my moms so I just wanted to go home and lay down. He gave me a couple prescriptions to help me sleep in the mean time. After getting to my moms, I just laid back down. I asked my dad to come give me another blessing. I couldn't keep the tears back and I prayed so hard constantly to Heavenly Father to please help me get better and not let me die. This was the first time I truly felt like I was not going to make it. Out of all the times of being ill, this was by the worst time. My dad came and gave me a blessing that night. It was a very strong and powerful blessing. I was so grateful he was able to do that. The next day my mom was taking me back home to Utah and she was going to stay for a few days. Thankfully the next morning I woke up and I was feeling a little better. I was able to get up and my sister helped me get in the tub. Yes, as embarrassing as it sounds, my sister had to help me. She helped me get dressed and packed all my things for me and my mom and I headed out. Again, I prayed the whole way that I'd be okay on the trip and it would go by fast. The trip wasn't real great, but we made it back to my place without any problems. I was so glad to be back home, but I was still missing my husband like crazy. To shorten this up a bit, the next couple days were still extremely rough. I just laid there while my mom cleaned and cooked and kept me company. We got back on Saturday and come Monday, I had an appt. in Provo with a heart specialist. My cousin took me and my mom. It was a rough day and I just wanted to get back home. I was still having a hard time walking, my heart and head were still doing crazy things. On the way home I got a migraine. I ended up having to take a pain killer cause nothing else was working and it was really bad. We went to my cousins for a while then went back home. By the time we got home, my head started feeling better and all a sudden I was able to get up more and start cleaning before my husband got home. He got home later that day and I was SO happy to see him. I started crying. I slowly felt a little better each day, but then just stopped progressing again.<br />
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March 31st, I had an appt with a new Lyme Dr. in Provo. My husband and I went and I was so nervous. Immediately the Dr. told me everything that was going on was due to Lyme and co-infections. He said he can tell I've had Lyme since I was little and I definitely had congenital Lyme. However, he was very hopeful and was so so knowledgeable about everything. My husband and I left feeling more hopeful. Before the Dr. done a whole lot, I had to get about 40 vials of blood drawn. In the meantime, he gave me a load of prescriptions to take. They made me feel worse and worse. They made me feel like I was going crazy in the head too. I told my husband I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle those feelings and I couldn't function whatsoever. So I stopped taking everything except for an antibiotic.<br />
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Since then we have been to that dr a few times. As smart as he is and as good as we felt about him, unfortunately, like may other dr's, he was not helping. I had started doing better because I contacted a dr in Idaho who was able to send me some things to take. I started feeling much better. I was able to go to Mesquite for my husband and I's wedding anniversary. Although I still didn't feel real well, I was able to go so I was very grateful for that. The next couple of weeks I as still doing okay. I was able to get up and do things around the house. I was able to go to some places with my husband.. Like the grocery store. And it was really nice. Then comes Memorial weekend. Sunday I made it to sacrament, but I was just feeling really "off" you could say. I started getting dizzy off and on throughout the day and worse in the evening. My husband and I went to a couple cemeteries with his family that evening. I was still able to enjoy visiting and whatnot, but my head was feeling so weird. We got home and I just laid down. The next day we were supposed to go to another cemetery, then go to his parents to eat and help do house/yard work. I wasn't planning on doing much cause I was still pretty weak and a bit dizzy. Well I ended up doing a lot and just kept going. I hadn't done that much in a very long time. It felt good though. For a while. When it came time to go I knew I had done too much and was going to probably crash big time. We got home and just relaxed. Surprisingly enough, the next day I didn't feel too bad. Throughout the week I slowly started feeling worse though. Come Sunday morning, I woke up and felt really strange. I kept sweating and was super hot. Then I kept getting really dizzy again. I was trying to get ready for church and while standing in the bathroom, I knew I wasn't going to make it. I was all ready to go, but I had to lie down. Later that day I asked my husband to take me for a ride so I could get out of the house for a bit. On our way to his parents after our ride, I started feeling worse. We go to his parents and as soon as I stood up to get out of the car, my head began spinning like crazy. My ears started to get watery because I was just so sick of being sick. I didn't understand why I was doing a bit better, then this hit so hard all of a sudden. I had to lie down as soon as I got inside and couldn't move at all. Right after I ate dinner, I immediately got a horrible migraine. I was so confused. I haven't had migraines for quite some time and especially when I eat. I told Simon I needed to go home. And after that, it got worse every single day.<br />
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Each day that went on that week I became sicker. It got to the point where I couldn't get out of bed at all. My neck and head were in severe pain. I've never had migraines or pains like this in my life. I was extremely nauseous all day. I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom or anything. My husband had to stay home a couple times to be with me or take me to my chiropractor. I kept getting worse. A couple mornings I woke up and couldn't move. I felt paralyzed. My husband done everything he could to keep me hydrated and keep me functioning. He had to carry me to the bathroom and do everything for me. My head was so bad and every time I would try to sit up or get up, it felt as if someone was pushing my head down so hard. I couldn't function at all. This week had now been the worst of my life. One day I was in so much pain and so sick, I had cried and prayed to Heavenly Father over and over to please help me find answers. I begged Him to help me get through the day. At this point, I really didn't care if I lived or died. I told Him that if I wasn't going to make it, to please stop making me suffer and just take me. And if I was supposed to make it, that everything would be okay and I'd get better. I told Him I needed a miracle. I told Him I couldn't take living like this anymore. I just couldn't do it. I told Him that I was putting all of my faith and trust in Him and I was aligning my will with His. After I prayed, I just cried. I didn't understand anything that was going on. This truly was the worst I had felt out of everything. I so badly just wanted to not live anymore. I had suffered so much and I couldn't keep going on.<br />
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That same day, my husband was at work and he was having a horrible day. He got home and I was in tears from being so sick and feeling like I was dying, and I could tell he was upset too. He had been looking for jobs elsewhere and so far nothing felt "right". He talked to me and comforted me like he always does. I told him everything I had been feeling that day and I just couldn't do this anymore. He said that i couldn't give up and that we would make it through. That evening, he ran to the store to grab a few things and also grabbed a couple pregnancy tests, because I was almost a week late. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but we just wanted to make sure in case I needed to take medicine. I didn't want to take one, but my cousin kept telling me I should. (We talk almost everyday and she had been texting me that whole day). My husband said I could take it if I wanted, but it was up to me. I wasn't going to at all. Then I decided to say a quick prayer again. I asked Heavenly for help again. I didn't know what to do to feel better. As soon as I finished, I heard "Take the pregnancy test and then you'll know what to do". I was like, okay that's weird... So after dinner my husband helped me to the bathroom and I decided to take it. As soon as I went to put the lid on the test, a bright blue line popped up. I had to do like a triple take, because I didn't believe it. I hollered at my husband and he came running in the bathroom. I told him we were pregnant. He didn't believe me. I showed him the test and said, "well we are!" We looked at each other and started crying. This was something we were not expecting whatsoever and as soon as I saw that test, I knew in my heart that God heard my prayers and this was a miracle. My husband and I did not know we would ever be able to have children due to all the health problems I've had. So I knew this was a miracle. I felt so much gratitude in my heart for this baby. My husband and I thought for sure that maybe this is why I had been so sick.<br />
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I had to stop all my treatments for Lyme Disease as soon as we found out. Since then, it's been hell to say the least. I am so so grateful this miracle baby is growing inside of me, but the Lyme has gone out of control and I'm sicker than ever. Thankfully, I have not had morning sickness (throwing up), but I've had everything else. I am in bed every single day. I've become very weak, I've lost pretty much all my muscle, even what little muscle I had before, I've had some major neurological problems, and so on. I've been praying SO hard every single day to find help for me. I've lost a lot of function of the left side of my brain so that's been a real struggle. I can't do hardly anything. I have severe dizziness 24/7, everything is constantly moving, my body shakes all the time, I have inside tremors/vibrations, heart issues, breathing issues, and so on. My husband and I have been pretty private about everything that has been going on. But we are no longer doing that. Over the last couple weeks, a dear friend of mine told me about this incredible center in Kansas that treat Lyme all the time and have a lot of success. I wasn't sure at first because I've seen way too may dr's and we've wasted thousands of dollars. She promised me this one was different than all the rest and she told me to just read their website and watch their videos. So the other night my husband and I did. During the video, I started to cry. I knew in my heart I needed to go there. I felt the spirit so strongly and I couldn't deny it. I told my husband as soon as the video ended that was the place for me. I knew this place would help me. In the meantime, I had another friend who had actually been going to this exact center and I didn't even know! She told me it's been amazing and a huge answer to her prayers. The more I read and researched them, the more I wanted to go. I called the next day and spoke with one of the staff members. I was shocked by how kind they were. The lady was so sweet and so caring about everything. I asked her if they treated pregnant women and she said they did! My hear stated racing. I knew this was an answer to my prayers! She gave me all the information and paper work to fill out. After all this, I told my husband that I HAVE to go here. I feel so strongly about this place and every time I think about going, I feel hope. I haven't felt like this about any place ever.<br />
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So, this brings me to asking for help. I have to get better so I can live somewhat normally, so I can take care of this sweet baby growing inside of me, and so I can be "human" again. I know in my heart that I have to go to Kansas to get treated, however, my husband and I cannot afford it. We are trying everything we can to get me there. My amazing sister has set up a Go Fund Me account to help get donations. We are trying to spread the word as much as possible so I can get to Kansas within the next 3 months hopefully. I know this place will help me and the Spirit has led me to this place. I'm so grateful for those who have shared and donated thus far. But we can't stop sharing until we reach our goal. I can't wait much longer to get treated. I will keep getting worse if I do. And I can't, because I have a miracle growing inside of me and I have to keep fighting to make this happen so I can be healthy again and be the mom and wife I've strongly desired to be. I pray that each of you will read this and donate if possible. If you cannot, at least please share it and spread the word like crazy. I know you will be blessed for it. I've never ever in my life wanted to ask for help like this, but now, I have no choice. It's been very humbling for me to allow others to help me. I'ts been very difficult to swallow my pride and admit that we need help. I know miracles happen every day. I know God hears our prayers even when we don't think He does and I know He has led me to this center for treatments. Please, please help if you can. Even if it's just $5. Everything helps! I hope and pray for those who are suffering from illnesses will continue to have hope and to never give up. Some days that's all we want to do, but keep fighting because one day, it will turn around and you will be able to overcome your trials. Below is the link for my Go Fund Me account. Please click to donate and/or share! I'd be forever grateful. Love to you all. <3<br />
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Nicole<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #765094; font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 16px;">http://www.gofundme.com/zcrpv8</span><br />
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<img height="320" src="http://www.wordsonimages.com/pics/164051-Inspirational+quotes++where+th.jpg" width="320" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-43441529095509898432015-03-14T14:24:00.000-07:002015-03-14T15:00:33.753-07:00When Giving Up Seems Like Our Only OptionI haven't been posting recently and have been way behind. Sometimes when you are super ill, blogging is the last thing on your mind. As most of you know, I was doing the "I Love My Body Diet". I haven't posted the rest of it on here yet I haven't decided whether or not I will. However, I recommend everyone doing it. It's an incredible journey and always you to really learn to love yourself.<br />
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I've been wanting to do a post lately, but couldn't decide where to start or if there was something specifically I've been wanting to say. I've been really sick this year.. It's definitely taking a huge toll on me. I know most people get sick of hearing that, but those who aren't dealing with a chronic illness, really have no idea what it is like.<br />
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I have decided that I want to share more awareness of Lyme Disease. I've learned so much during my life and I see how many people suffer from it. I see how much hurt and pain there is. I've met and talked with so many people who are suffering from this debilitating disease. It breaks my heart. I try to be strong and be good support for those who need it, but the truth is, it's HARD. When I can barely focus myself, or keep my thoughts in line, or barely move or do things myself, it is SO difficult to help lift others. It gets more exhausting all the time. But, I will never stop. I will never stop giving hope to everyone who is suffering. I will keep fighting and keep pushing others to fight. I will continue to be there for others, to help them through their troubles, to give them light and hope.<br />
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The last couple weeks have been really difficult. I've been in bed and have had a lot of time to pray, to seek for answers, to figure out what the next step is, to decide if it's worth fighting for my life or time to give up. In all honesty, giving up is what crossed my mind more than anything. There is only so much a person can handle in life. And I feel like I've reached my maximum level of trials and hardships. My faith has been pushed to the very edge. I'm hanging on by a fine thread of hope.<br />
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Day in and day out, I lay in bed. I tell myself it will be okay. I try to get up and do things and I fail. My body doesn't allow me to do what I want right now. Walking is difficult. It feels as if the floor/ground is constantly moving when I walk. It makes me extremely dizzy. Everything around me moves. When in real life, everything is standing still. My ears ring nonstop and I lose hearing. My mind goes crazy. My heart's growing weaker. My strength lessens each day I'm in bed. Some days, just trying to breathe normally is a difficult task. And on top of all of this, we just found out I have a cyst on my left over. They call it a haemorrhagic cyst. Which means it's full of blood. I've been getting huge cysts for a while now, but they've been rupturing on their own. This one however, started out as the size of a golf ball, and as of this week, it is growing rapidly. I was in the ER the other day, because I was in severe pain. That's when I found out about the cyst growing and being full of blood. The Dr. told me to see a gyno right away. So on Monday, that's where I'm heading. Then we'll decide from there if surgery is what's needed or something else.<br />
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To some of you, this may seem like nothing. But when you're already dealing with serious illnesses, everything is intensified. I have cried many tears this week because the cyst has caused tremendous amounts of pain, causes my stomach to swell and feel super tight, and makes me sick to my stomach. I started thinking, "What am I doing wrong???" "What am I supposed to learn from all of this??" "How much more can my body take??"<br />
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All these questions going through my mind.. When in reality, I just want to quit; to give up. I don't want to do go through this anymore. Then today, it hit me... After many blessings, prayers, tears, breakdowns and pleadings to the Lord to help me.. I think I've realized more things that I didn't before. I've always known that everything happens for a reason, that our trials strengthen us, they makes us stronger in many ways and they build our testimonies of God. Well today, as I was laying here in bed, I prayed. I cried my eyes out. I begged for some relief and a some strength to go throughout this day. After my prayer, I searched talks from LDS General Conferences. I came across one called, "The Power to Heal from Within" by Merrill J. Bateman. I was immediately attracted to the title so I decided to read it.<br />
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I won't share the whole talk, but I will share some words that captured me. At one point, Merrill talks about what death teaches us and talks about the atonement. He says, "Through Christ, broken hearts are mended and peace replaces anxiety and sorrow." Then mentions this scripture...<br />
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<span style="background-color: cyan; color: #333333; font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 30.6000003814697px;">"As Isaiah stated concerning the Savior, “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our</span><br />
<span style="background-color: cyan;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 30.6000003814697px;">sorrows: … And with his stripes we are healed” (</span><a class="scriptureRef" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/53.4-5?lang=eng#3" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; color: #0091bc; font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 30.6000003814697px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Isa. 53:4–5</a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 30.6000003814697px;">)."</span></span><br />
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Merrill goes on to discus when the prophet Alma also spoke of Christ's healing powers. Alma stated that he would go forth "suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of eery kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people... And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, ... that he may know according the the flesh how to succor his people" (Alma 7:11-12). <span style="background-color: yellow;">Whatever the source of the pain, Jesus understands and can heal the spirit as well as the body. </span><br />
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These words alone opened my eyes once again. These trials are hard. Being ill is extremely difficult. Times get so rough and giving up sometimes feels like that's all that is left. I am here to tell you, it is not. It's okay to have bad days, to cry, to breakdown, to feel undefeated... But we must never give up. Jesus truly knows what we are going through. He suffered SO much just so he could know and feel our deepest feelings, our deepest thoughts, our deepest troubles. HE KNOWS. We are never alone in our journey's, even though at times that is all we feel. I'm here to testify to every single one of you that He lives. Heavenly Father has created a divine plan for each of us. Although sometimes those plans aren't what we have in mind, they are for a purpose. They are to define us, strengthen us and prepare us. Prepare us for something so extraordinary that we don't even comprehend it right now. We are being prepared to go back to Him, to meet our Creator. And once that happens, nothing else will matter. We must take this time to really focus on what we came here to learn, serve others when we can, and draw ourselves closer to Him each and every day.<br />
<br />I know I will still have hard days ahead of me, but I know I can be healed. I know that through God, all things are possible. This may not mean being completely physically healed in this lifetime, but I can be healed in many other ways and I know He is by my side the whole way. Keep pushing through the hard times, keep praying and asking for answers. They will come when it is time. <3<br />
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Nicole<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-46982120036617384512015-02-22T12:32:00.000-08:002015-02-22T12:32:12.129-08:00Day 11: Cast Away Shame<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Hi all! Thanks everyone for your support in this journey. Day 11 is about casting away shame, which is something I think everyone deals with! Shame is something that we cannot hold on to, even though we do. Whatever reasons we may be carrying shame with us, can be done away with. Let go of shame. Don't let past/old emotions control you. We can't move forward by being stuck in the past. </div>
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~Nicole </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-19115245561887132232015-02-21T11:04:00.000-08:002015-02-21T11:08:50.995-08:00Day 8: Things you love about YOU - Day 9: The Present - Day 10: Listen to your food and BLESS it<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I have been so behind on my blogging lately! So I am trying to get everything caught up. Life has been so crazy lately and I've not been doing well. Being able to do these videos definitely helps me so much. I'm so grateful for #ilovemybodydiet even if I keep getting super behind on it ;) I hope these videos help others as well. </div>
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Make a list of things you love about you! Do it every day if you have to - #learntoloveyourself</div>
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Day 8:</div>
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Day 9: Live in the NOW. Stop focusing and living in the past. Stop being so anxious about the future. Let it go. Focus on living each day at a time. </div>
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Day 10: Learn to love food. Listen to what food is saying to you. Bless it <3<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-31677229727067020642015-02-08T07:48:00.001-08:002015-02-08T07:48:20.433-08:00Day 7: Ask For HugsAH - I immediately froze when I read this exercise. I don't go anywhere or see anyone except my sweet husband. I've been too sick to just go out and do whatever. I'm usually alone all day everyday. So this exercise made me feel like I already failed. I took a moment to think about what I could do to still make it so I could participate in this exercise today - Then it came to me.. And my results were amazing - Such a great experience for me to have today <3 <3<br />
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Hug everyone!! #huggingheals<br />
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~Nicole<br />
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<span id="goog_511084329"></span><span id="goog_511084330"></span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-13213877002960779032015-02-07T22:42:00.001-08:002015-02-07T22:42:32.704-08:00Day 6: Feel Your BodyDay 6 is a shorter video, finally ;) A good exercise to take my mind out of this world for a minute and just breathe. No matter how hard life gets, take time to relax. Forget what's going on. Close your eyes and dream.<br />
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~Nicole<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-22283623784437846472015-02-07T22:27:00.002-08:002015-02-07T22:36:42.306-08:00Day 5: I Am Ugly<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Today's exercise was not my favorite.. to start out with anyways... I really didn't want to tell myself "I am ugly" since I'm trying to stay positive! BUT - it actually felt good. I love the idea of "owning" a bad thought before releasing it. It is something I've never really thought about until this exercise. </div>
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LOVE YOURSELF <3 </div>
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~Nicole </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-19361961842908871802015-02-07T22:20:00.001-08:002015-02-07T22:52:16.923-08:00Day 4: Naked Mirror... Hey all!<br />
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I got a little behind on my videos and blogging. This week I've been super sick so that was the last thing on my mind. I was finally able to get all caught up tonight with 3 more videos.<br />
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This first post is about Day 4: Naked Mirror. YIKES, right?! This was an exercise I totally wasn't sure how I would feel about until I did it. After day 4, I realized everyone should probably get naked more and look at themselves in the mirror and say "I AM BEAUTIFUL". Seriously. Everyone needs to do this as often as they can. Naked or not. Learn to love yourself. Keep saying it until you believe it. Words are powerful. Minds are powerful. Create that goodness in your mind and learn to "LET GO" of everything that brings anything less of love and "BE YOU".<br />
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~Nicole<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-83438318514739850802015-02-03T21:51:00.001-08:002015-02-03T21:51:36.166-08:00Day 3: Values for your bodyHappy Tuesday, everyone!<br />
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So today was a lot more tougher than yesterday and way more emotional that I had hoped for. So bare with me in my videos. This is something that is totally out of my comfort zone and it is so scary for me to do this. But I've had strong promptings that this is something that I need to do so I will continue to keep doing so.<br />
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I Love My Body Diet so far has been amazing for me. I've already seen/felt shifts and have had some awesome experiences with it. I can't thank Jennifer Lamprey enough for being so inspiring to everyone around her and dedicating so much of her time to help people heal! I have two different videos today, just because my phone stopped half way through and I didn't want to restart again :)<br />
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There has been a lot of emotional processing since I have started this journey, but I am so ready for it and I can't wait to see the changes in my life. I hope everyone can find some kind of hope or faith or inspiration from me doing this <3<br />
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Loves to all.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-66113421938436952682015-02-02T20:01:00.001-08:002015-02-02T20:01:14.679-08:00I Love My Body DietHi all.<br />
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It's been a VERY long time since I've blogged. I decided to take a "break" from most or all things dealing with Lyme Disease and other illnesses. It was much needed. But now I am back and ready to share with the world my "exposed" journey. This is something that I have felt I should do for a long time, but I just kept letting fear win. I wasn't ready to do this.<br />
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On the 9th, I will be going to a new Dr. I've decided that I wasn't getting what I needed at my current Dr. I feel like I've tried everything. I still spend days in bed sick with migraines, head pressure, weakness, all other things. I'm SO ready to get better I can hardly stand it. Through many prayers and priesthood blessings, I feel I am being guided to where I need to be. Slowly, but surely.<br />
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I know there are reasons for my trials and with FAITH, I will keep pushing myself to get where I need to be. I will take chances and risks that I was afraid to before to make it possible. I can't even begin to tell everyone the damage that has been done over that last year. Whether it's physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. I've reached points in my life that I thought I'd never come back from.<br />
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For the rest of this month, I will be posting a lot. Maybe every day. On the first of this month, I joined what is called the I Love My Body Diet by Jennifer Lamprey. She is one of the most amazing ladies. She is such a gifted woman and a blessing to many.<br />
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This is not a diet that deals with food. This is a program that helps everyone to LOVE themselves. To get past fears. To overcome things. Which is what we need in order to HEAL. There are exercises given each day to help change belief patterns and become who we are destined to be.<br />
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So, yesterday was the first day of the diet. Today, our exercise is to "Lean into God". So I did the exercise. We were also challenged to do videos of ourselves. This is something I did not plan on doing. Then something told me otherwise. I need to do this. I'm taking huge steps in doing this and not caring whatsoever about what others may think or say. This is something I need to do for me. And while doing so, I hope to inspire all those around me.<br />
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I will post my video for everyone to watch - Like I said before, this is something I wasn't going to do because I was terrified. But that is no longer happening. So, here is my video for the day.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-16106673285968936022014-10-06T13:44:00.000-07:002014-10-06T13:44:07.064-07:00Finding Hope While Living With Chronic Illnesses<img alt=" " height="320" src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/0d/53/8c/0d538c50fd1effabbf639fdc32ec2b75.jpg" width="320" /><img alt="Thomas S. Monson LDS Quote General Conference October 2013 #ldsconf http://sprinklesonmyicecream.blogspot.com/" height="320" src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/9b/ff/0c/9bff0cd6c534b8c038bb08fa6ba700c8.jpg" width="256" /><br />
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It has been way too long since I have last posted in my blog! So much has happened since my last post that I don't know where to even start. I always wait to have some kind of inspiration 'til I write. I haven't felt that until this last weekend. Life has thrown some crazy curve balls that have left me feeling all sorts of emotions.<br />
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In my last post, I talked about my stay at the hospital in Idaho while my hubby was away in Germany. Once I got back home, my husband and I decided that we really needed to be strict with our diets because we know how crucial diet is, especially for me. People with diseases, illnesses, etc, are highly effected by the things we eat, drink, breathe and so on. We started the Whole30 diet. I was hoping this would really help my stomach issues and I couldn't prevent getting a scope next month. This diet is super strict for those of you who aren't familiar with it. After about 4-5 days of this diet, I got very sick. I started getting severe pain in my lower abdomen and I knew something was wrong. It finally started going away, but I could still feel it and feel a lot of pressure. It felt so weird. Throughout the next few days, I started feeling worse. My stomach felt worse, I was getting fevers and I became so nauseous. Everything got 30 times worse than before. Not only was all this going on, but we were supposed to be moving into our new apartment the same week.<br />
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My husband and his family were moving things on the 25th. I felt so sick, but didn't want to say anything while everyone was around. I felt like I had the flu, only extremely worse. I had never felt so much nausea in my life. We stayed our first night in our new place. I woke up around 5 a.m. I was in tears. The pain was so intense that I could hardly breathe. I was so sick to my stomach and could barely move. I tried to focus on being calm and forcing myself to go back to sleep. An hour later, I was still in tears and knew I needed medical attention asap. I woke my husband up and I could tell he wasn't super happy about it. He probably thought this was just our usual routine. When we got to the hospital, all I can remember is I felt like I was dying and wanted to get drugs in me as soon as I could. And for those of you who know me, I don't like taking meds at all. At this point, I think I was ready for everything.<br />
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I can't remember much myself, so I'm just going off what I do remember and what my husband told me :) Anyways, after giving me pain and nausea meds, I remember them drawing blood and wanting to do an ultrasound. Long story short, they found a massive cyst, about the size of a golf ball, on my right ovary. They also found that my liver was having some issues. All the enzymes were super high. They sent the tests off to have them cultured and make sure I didn't have hepatitis.<br />
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Hours later we finally were able to leave the hospital. In the meantime, I was supposed to take meds, rest and follow up with my regular Dr. Since then, I have been on pain and nausea meds every single day. I started getting very emotional and angry. (I blame a lot of this on the pain meds). Last Friday, I literally had reached my breaking point. I'm sure those of you who suffer from any type of illness whatsoever knows what I am talking about when I say breaking point. I don't mean a little crying session and feeling upset and then getting over it after eating some chocolate or ice cream. I mean a full on break down; hours of shedding tears, feelings of rage and anger, bitterness. etc. I literally lost it. I felt like something had completely just taken over me. (Normally, I would not tell people this, but I feel very prompted to do so. So please, no judgments, because this is all very real and it's my life). I started praying as hard as I possible could. I was literally begging Heavenly Father to help me; help me understand why I am going through this all and why it's been going on for so long. The tears wouldn't stop. The more I thought about everything I'd been going through, the more angry I got and the more I cried. I kept thinking about how my husband and I never go anywhere or do anything because of my health. It would make me more angry. I just wanted to be married and enjoy married life with my amazing husband. I wanted to be able to go to church every Sunday, go to the temple as often as possible, go visit people, drive, help serve others. I probably prayed for a total of 45 minutes to an hour that day. Possibly more. I felt so much sorrow and sadness in my heart. I was thinking of how much more life I used to have in me and how strong I used to feel the spirit. I felt like I had lost it all completely. I begged for comfort and for peace in my mind and my heart. I begged over and over to tell me what I needed to do. After moments of praying and breaking down, I felt more calm. But I still didn't feel anything else. I tried to regain my focus and clear my mind. Then my husband messaged me and suggested we ask our Branch President to come visit and give me a blessing. So I did. (Also, before I forget, my family created an event on FB to invite everyone to do a fast for me the Monday before - so a week ago from today.) My BP messaged me back and said he would love to come over.<br />
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Later that night, our BP arrived and sat down to talk to us. We don't see him often due to the health issues I have been struggling with. We caught him up to speed with everything going on. He asked me if it was okay to let my Relief Society President be aware of my situation so she could check on me from time to time as well. We also discussed having the sacrament brought to our home on days I am not able to attend church. He told me I was too young to be going through everything I am and that it was time for me to get better. He gave Simon and I some advice and strongly encouraged us to stay close to the gospel. Not to let these trials pull us away.<br />
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After we finished talking, our BP gave me a blessing. I was expecting an overwhelming flood of emotions, feeling the spirit, and whatnot. But that's not what I got. I had taken medications before the blessing so I knew that was part of the reason I didn't feel much. But what I did get, was comfort. Peace. Direction. I was blessed with many things and also blessed that my Doctors and their staff would be guided in my healing, that they would know exactly what to do. I was blessed to have the patience to deal with all of this. I was told to pray often. To let this bring me closer to Him. The blessing was what I needed to hear. Every part of it. There were so many things that I think of now that really stuck out and were very powerful. I just didn't realize it at that exact moment.<br />
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Then of course, this last weekend was LDS Conference. I couldn't stay awake for all of it, but amazingly enough, I was awake for the talks that were meant for me. I won't go into too much detail of the talks, but I just know which ones were meant for me, right now in my life. Words from our Prophet, from our Apostles and other church members were spoken this weekend that have helped me to refocus my mind. To inspire me. To help me. And most of all, to give me hope. My mind has not been stable, especially this last week. And hearing the talks helped me to think a little more clear. To know that everything will be OK.<br />
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Though this last week has been one of the hardest weeks for me emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally, it has also been one of the best weeks. I didn't realize this until now. But I know deep in my heart, that every small or huge trial I have gone through, is part of God's plan for me. How amazing is it that God has created a specific plan for each of us? Our Heavenly Father loves each and every single one of us unconditionally. He knows who we are and what we need to reach our full potential on earth. This last week has changed a lot of things, not just for me, but for my husband too. We've always had an amazing relationship and a unique bond. But after moving to our new place, and dealing with these major health problems, something happened. Something that I can't exactly explain, but I know it has strengthened Simon and I's relationship. I thought I loved him before. But I love him so much more now. There is something about your eternal companion, that when you are at your absolute worst and you can't function at all, that when they take care of you non stop, dress you, do your hair for you, read scriptures to you and pray with you when you can't even stay away for all of it, that just makes your heart so full of love and gratitude. I was so angry and bitter about all the things that I haven't been able to do in life, especially doing things with my husband, that I forgot about all the things I can do. And all the things that have made us more spiritual and faithful people because of what we can't do due to my health issues. I knew Simon loved me before, but I had never felt it as strong as I did this last week. I can't tell him enough that he is my everything and without him, I wouldn't make it. It is not easy for him. He works full time, gone for 10 hours a day to his stressful job, then comes home and makes dinner, tends to my every need, then sits down to relax.<br />
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During all of this craziness this past week, my husband and I have had some long talks about everything that has happened, my feelings, his feelings, and so on. He told me that he felt so different with everything this last time. That he has found himself praying way more. He's felt the spirit more. He knows I will be safe while he is gone all day at work and that I will be watched over. And he told me that he is so sorry I have been going through so much, but he also knows that a lot of this is for him. He told me his love for me has become so much stronger and that all of this has changed his way of thinking and acting. When he told me this, my heart felt so full of love. I wish everyone could feel this. Or that everyone could understand what being severely ill does to a person. Sometimes, no matter how strong you think you are, you still break. And that's okay. Because we need these moments to help us recognize what pure happiness is. I've suffered for a very long time. And I know that I can and will be healed some day. I know I will have better days and I know I will have very bad days. But I also know that with the love of my Heavenly Father, I will never be alone in any of this as long as I allow Him to be there and help me. I know I have an amazing husband who will be there to support me and encourage me when I've lost all hope.<br />
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I hope this all makes sense to each of you. I'm still on meds so if there are a few things that seem strange, forgive me. I know I kind of bounced around with everything, but I just wrote what I have felt so far.<br />
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Today Simon took my to my Dr.'s appointment. We were there for quite a while, but it was all worth it. She told us we needed to bring out the big guns and get more serious with everything we're doing. She said we weren't going slow anymore and we were going to get me feeling better. She created a new plan for me. I have an 8 week detox program I am doing and she put me on a few prescription meds along with many supplements. For those of you who know me, I typically only do natural treatments. But today at my appointment, I felt that I needed to do everything the Dr. threw at us. And that is what I will be doing. She told me the next 2-3 could be really rough, but I will start feeling better afterwards. This was the first appointment I think I have ever had where I felt HOPEFUL. No joke. Everything felt right and I knew that the Lord has guided my Dr. in every step she felt was needed.<br />
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After my appointment, I finally felt some peace. I felt like my life will get better and my body will become whole again. Even though these trials have made me breakdown to the point of not wanting to go on anymore, I know in my heart that this is all a part of God's plan. I know that we are never alone in anything as long as we ask for help. I know at times, I've wanted to give up completely, but I can't. And I won't. No matter how hard life has been for me, I've learned so many things through my trials. And I have learned that a lot of my trials are not always for me. They are to help others. And I'm okay with that. The Lord knows each of us individually. He knows exactly what we are capable of and knows how much we are able to handle. If the Lord trusts me enough to go through all of the pain, the sorrow, the misery, the sadness, the sicknesses, and so on, then I trust Him enough to know that it's part of His plan for me. To mold me into the person I was brought here to be.<br />
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I guess after everything I just wrote about, what I want to share with people is that there are times we have lost all hope, all faith. There are moments where we are suffering so much that we feel as if we cannot bare anymore in our lives and we can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. But guess what? There is always a light at the end. We just have to allow that light to be seen. We have to know that no matter what we are dealing with in life, God is the light. And when that light begins to dim and eventually disappear, we must open our hearts and pour out our souls to Him. We must believe in Him and trust in His plan. He can only help us as much as we allow Him to. He can only help us as much as our faith allows. If we have little faith, we get little results. It's only when we have as much faith as possible that miracles can happen.<br />
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I fully believe in God and know miracles happen. I know that I have suffered much in my life and know that I still may have times where I continue to suffer. But I also know now, more than ever before, that it depends on me and my faith that will help take that suffering away. We can't expect God to heal us or help us if our faith is but small and we aren't living up to our full potential in any circumstance.<br />
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I hope and pray that anyone who has dealt with Lyme, or any kind of illness whatsoever knows that they are watched over. Know that there is a God who is constantly there, know that you are loved and that there is a plan just for YOU. I know that one of the reasons I have gone through all of this is for other people. I know that by reaching out to others and sharing my story plays a huge role in my plan. I want people to know that there are others out there who have suffered just as much, or even more than they have. I also want people to know that I am always here for support if any of you need it. I want people to feel comfortable and know that it's okay to reach out to others. I feel very inspired to give people my email address and any of you who need someone to talk to, guidance, direction or just a friend, please don't hesitate to contact me.<br />
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Love and healing to everyone,<br />
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Nicole<br />
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FB Group - *All About Lyme - Holistic Healing*<br />
Instagram - nicole_fay26<br />
Email address - life_of_hope@yahoo.comUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-43280396262294830052014-08-27T21:31:00.001-07:002014-08-27T21:31:45.751-07:00Lyme Disease: Why we can never ever give upGetting the motivation to write in my blog lately has been rough. I kept feeling like I needed to write in it tonight, but I was fighting it. And here I am, lying in bed with so many things on my mind. Trying to figure out what the heck went wrong in the last few weeks. All of the things that were happening and I was starting to do better in quite a few areas, then bam. Crashed and took 10 steps back. <div>
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As most of you know, a few weeks ago I had made some huge progress. Until about 9ish days ago. On the 15th, my husband flew to Germany for work. My mom came and got me so I could stay with her for the week and go see one of my favorite Dr.'s in Idaho. I hadn't been feeling well at all. My stomach was causing major problems. I was feeling super weak again. All these things kept happening and I knew I was going to crash hard. I got to my moms Thursday evening. Come Sunday morning I woke up and could barely walk to the bathroom. My heart was racing fast and pounding hard. While I was in the bathroom, I prayed. I prayed to be guided in what to do. I truly hate hospitals and didn't want to go. But I felt so sick. As soon as I finished praying, I heard a faint whisper if you will, that said "If you trust me, go to the hospital". I couldn't deny what I was told. I came out of the bathroom and told my mom we needed to go. I had really been struggling the last few days so she knew exactly what I meant. We got our things together and headed to the ER. </div>
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It didn't take long before they got us in. My stomach pain had been so bad and I was so weak. Any time my heart feels "different", I know it's nothing to be messed with. At this point, I was just ready to lay there and get fluid in me asap. After explaining everything to the nurse, she went and spoke with the Dr. He then came in and immediately, I felt so much peace. Regardless of how much pain and sickness I felt, I knew I was told to come to the hospital for a reason. The nurse and Dr. were so kind. Some of the kindest staff I've ever had to deal with. They immediately started me on anti nausea meds and pain meds. I asked them to only do half of what they were going to 'cause I hate how drugs make me feel. She said that wasn't a problem at all and if I ended up needing more, just let them know. </div>
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I could feel the meds slightly, but not like I normally would. After I finished talking to the Dr., he stepped out and the lab came to draw my blood. The nurse gave me one more med to "reduce acid". Not two seconds after it was injected in me, my stomach pains got 20 times worse. I could hardly breathe. It killed to move. I told my nurse and she immediately gave me the rest of my pain meds. She went to talk with the Dr. and by the time she got back, the pain hadn't subsided one bit. They ended up giving me MORE pain meds, which at the time, I was in so much pain I didn't even care anymore. It took some time before I felt the pain disappearing, but after a while, it finally got better and I wasn't crying anymore. So that was great :) </div>
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They done all kinds of tests, scans, etc. and then the Dr. came back in my room and talked to me for a while. We discussed Lyme Disease and all the other issues I have with it. He was so caring and understanding. (This hardly EVER happens, just so you all know.) He told me he was going to admit me to the hospital because they wanted to do some more extensive testing and just keep an eye on me overnight. They also wanted to keep fluids in my because I was so dehydrated. (Yes people, I drink plenty of water. All the time. But for some reason, my body doesn't like to stay hydrated.) </div>
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Finally I got up to my room and they gave me more meds. And to be honest, I can't quite tell you what went on from there. All I know is more tests were done and lots of fluids were given. After I was released the following afternoon, my mom and I grabbed some food and headed back to her place. Right after I ate, I got sick. And that continued for the rest of the day. I was still pretty out of it so the next few days were blurry. I woke up one morning, and could hardly breathe. My chest was so heavy and when I tried to get up, it just felt like someone kept trying to push me down. I thought, "Seriously? Why?" I was so irritated that it was constantly one thing after another. I think it was that same day that my mom took me to my Dr. appointment. Where later that day I found I had H Pylori, a bunch of parasites, issues with my liver, etc. On a positive note, the Lyme was NOT showing up. This obviously excited me. However, that didn't mean it was gone. But still gave me hope. My numbers for Epstein Barr Virus were still super high. I was told I needed to be tested for the MTHFR Gene Mutation. I was told that infertility could also be an issue. Also, I was told to have my apartment checked for mold asap because there were things showing up in my body that could be caused my mold in my place. Oh, and not to mention, going to Mexico to get treated may be my best option. Sounds exciting right? ;) Even though I wasn't healed and my tests clearly showed some major issues still, I still felt hopeful. </div>
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Skipping through the rest and fast forwarding to my mom bringing me back to Utah. I came home the same evening as my husband. My mom left shortly before he got home. I was so excited to see him. It made everything else go away for a short moment. That always happens when he comes home. I feel safe and feel like everything will be okay. He brings me such peace and I am so grateful for that. And it felt good to be home. Even though we have mold here ha. </div>
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So since I have been back home.. Which has been about a week now... I have felt miserable. Well, mostly. Sunday I woke up and felt like I was dying. I can't describe what my body felt like, but it was almost unbearable. I stayed in my bed almost the whole day. I felt so angry and so bitter. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and throw things. I couldn't remember the last time I had all these horrible feelings inside of me. I was so aggravated. I felt so mad. I kept thinking over and over in my head that I cannot go on like this anymore. I couldn't take it. My emotions were all over the place that day and so were my thoughts. I couldn't think clearly whatsoever. All I knew is that I needed to pray. I needed to try to calm myself and to have the strength to do so. But these other feelings of anger and hatred were becoming so overbearing that I couldn't shake them. I couldn't stop crying. I just needed to let it all out. So I did. Alone in my room. On my bed. Tears flooded my pillow and I didn't care. I couldn't stop and I knew it needed to be "released". </div>
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Later that day my husband came in our room and we talked for a while. It gave me comfort and I started feeling less angry with everything. I asked him for a blessing because I knew at this point, it was my only hope. The second he laid his hands upon my head, I could feel it. I could feel the peace and comfort going throughout my body. Even though my mind was not clear or in the right place, my blessing made it possible for me to remember the words which were said. The hope that was given. And the spirit that was felt. Shortly after my blessing, my head started feeling better. The sickness I could feel in my head was slowly fading. I knew getting a blessing that night was what I needed most. </div>
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Yes.. I'm telling you all of this because I want you all to know that it can and it will be hell when dealing with diseases or other illnesses. It isn't pretty. It isn't funny. And it doesn't always bring out the best in you. However, you cannot give up. It's okay to have breakdowns, to scream, to cry, to feel angry. It's okay to be upset. We need to express our emotions and we need to let it out. Obviously in a safe way. But we can't hold in everything we feel. When we feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel, think again. Because I know for me, every other time I have felt that I cannot go on any longer, my eyes were opened and hope was revealed. There are moments where you think you can't keep going. That it will never end. That people will never understand what you are going through.. But that is where we are wrong. It will end. One day it will all end. And there is ALWAYS one person who completely understands what we are going through. HIM. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows every thought we have, every ounce of pain we feel, every tear we shed. He is our comforter. He guides us, if we listen. No matter what we are going through, we have someone to turn to, to lean on, to trust. We must have faith in all things. Times will occur where our faith and patience will be tried. Tried so hard that we will want to give up, stop believing, stop hoping. But we can't. Because if we do, we won't grow. We won't become stronger. We won't be molded into the perfect humans that we were brought here to be molded into. We won't become more loving, have more compassion and be more humbled. </div>
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We cannot give up. With the Lord on our side, we can do all things. We must align our will with God's. And have the faith that it will all work out. I know I still struggle at times and feel like all hope is lost, but I will never give up and never stop fighting to become healed. I truly believe all things can be done through Him. And I can be healed. And so can each of you. When you feel all alone and no one in the entire world can understand you or feel what you are going through, He can. Always remember that and you'll never lose. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-32369585304912139882014-08-11T14:10:00.001-07:002014-08-11T14:10:30.559-07:00Healing Lyme With The Mind: {Why loving ourselves can heal us}Since my last post, things have changed. I feel like I am starting to become more aware of the person I used to be. Things are becoming more clear. My intuition feels like it is starting to open back up.<br />
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As crazy as this sounds to some people, it's not crazy to me. We CAN heal ourselves with our minds. No matter what anybody says. Our thoughts are so powerful. The things we think and say about ourselves, is what becomes of ourselves. If we are constantly having negative thoughts, you will live a negative life. You will NOT have pure happiness, joy, peace, etc. And why do we do this to ourselves? What in the heck is the point? Why do we criticize ourselves so much to the point we become bitter, angry and sick? We constantly complain about our struggles in life, our failures, how we are too fat, too thin, too ugly. We constantly tear ourselves apart. Day after day. We do this so much we eventually start to believe it. Then our bodies start to believe it, and that's what happens. It's called the "Law of Attraction". What we put out there, is what we get back. Ten fold. For example, the more we think how "fat" we are and that we can't lose weight, the more and more we believe it and guess what? We gain weight. We struggle with losing weight. Same thing goes if we are "sick". The more we FOCUS and put our energy on the thoughts that we are sick, afflicted, in pain, miserable, etc, the more this will occur. We tell ourselves, "Ugh. Today will be a bad day". Guess what? You're right. It will be a bad day. And YOU created it.<br />
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You may ask what this has to do with me having Lyme Disease - Well, essentially it has a lot to do with it. I got Lyme when I was 6. How? I have no clue. Why? Maybe to help me strengthen my faith, my patience, learn from my trials, gain more knowledge and help others. And that's exactly what my goal is - to help others. To be a tool for the Lord. A messenger. And through my journey, nothing has been more powerful in healing than having my God in my life. Growing closer to Him, has helped me learn so many things about myself and alternative ways to healing. Other than just going to doctor after doctor. I have been so blessed to have been introduced to these alternatives throughout the last few years. And one of them, is energy work. Which was partly why I became a Foot Zoner :) After having wonderful experiences and praying about this, I knew I needed in my life. For me. And for others.<br />
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All of this comes together at one point. Some of you still may be confused as to what I am talking about. Eventually I will come to explain everything through my posts. As for this post, this is about healing Lyme with the mind. After getting back from Cabo, I wanted to do better. I wanted to try anything I could do to feel "good" even if I really didn't. When my husband and I returned home, I started a new "treatment" you could say. A couple of them. Because of my blog, a lady contacted me and told me she was sure she had something that could help me. She wanted to call me as soon as she could to discuss it with me. My first thought was, "That is really cool. But I'm sure it's just like everything I have tried". But what I didn't realize at the moment, was that I had been praying really hard about what else to do for the Lyme and this could be an answer to my prayers. When she wanted to talk to both my husband and I, I will admit, I was skeptical. Then she told me she had this really strong feeling to contact me immediately. When she told me that, I had a good feeling. After my husband and I talked to her, learned more about what she was doing, we prayed about it. We both felt like this could be a good step to take. So we did. And I don't regret it. I started everything when we got back from Cabo. I was scared at first, because I had been so sensitive to so many things in the past. But I tried to change my mindset. I told myself, if God wanted me to do this, it wouldn't cause me more problems. It was going to help me heal.<br />
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On to my 3rd week of this, and still no regrets. Last week I made more progress than I have been in over 8 months. I was able to drive, for the first time by myself, help my husband's parents with picking, shucking, and preparing corn to freeze for 8+ hours, and go to church for the full 3 hours yesterday. I start tearing up every time I talk about this. Because those of you who know me, or who have struggled with health issues themselves and aren't able to do much, this is monumental. My heart was so full of gratitude this weekend for being able to accomplish all of these. I know I'm not healed yet, but each day I will get closer and closer. And not only have I been taking some incredible products, but I have really changed my thinking patterns.<br />
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Lyme can really screw a person up mentally. The Lyme can over take you and your mind if you let it. However, you can't. YOU are in control. You CAN'T let Lyme control you. It's A disease, not YOUR disease. These words change you. Don't claim your illnesses. Don't let them define you. And this is what I did. I got so ill these last 7-8 months, it overtook my life. My mind. My thoughts. My faith. My everything. I never thought I'd get so bad in my life. Then I realized, if I can change my thoughts, my mind, retrain my sub-conscious mind, I can get better. I can do this. I will take control of my life back.<br />
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I became so hard on myself. Guilt ate at me every single day. I felt like I was an inadequate wife. I couldn't be what my husband needed. I was too big of a burden for him. For anyone. I'm wasn't ever going to heal. I wanted to, but felt it was getting impossible. I've lost over 30 pounds and still think I'm "fat". I started hating myself rather than loving myself. I became more obsessed with being sick and fat and more focused on how I wasn't healing than being positive and having faith.<br />
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Why!? Why do we do this?? Because we let our thoughts take over our minds. We let the negative become our life. We think the harder we are on ourselves, the better people we can become. We have old thoughts/words stuck in our mind from what people said to us in our childhood or other times throughout our past. And we believed them. We created that/this life. So why not create the opposite? Why not create a good, happy life? Sure we will have struggles here and there, but having the best attitude and a heart full of gratitude at all time will ease these struggles.<br />
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This is why I created Healing Lyme With The Mind - Because it is possible. The saying "You can't expect anyone to love you until you love yourself" is beyond true. We MUST love ourselves. We have NO reason not to! God created us. He gave us this life. These bodies. They are gifts to us. We need to constantly treat them as gifts from God. They are sacred. So why torture them? Why criticize them? Do we do that to any other gifts? I would say hardly. We can overcome anything we put our mind to and have faith we can do it. We are all human. We've all had struggles and have struggles. That doesn't mean we love ourselves less and treat ourselves like we don't deserve the best. No matter where we came from, what we've done, who's hurt us, we can let it go. Move on. Create the life you want to live.<br />
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I have started this challenge on my FB Group - *All About Lyme - Holistic Healing*. I would love for everyone to join and follow along to Heal Lyme With The Mind . This isn't just for Lyme. It's for anything. Every day I have been posting a healing affirmation for people to save or print and read every day over and over to help them in their healing journey. I would love to receive any feedback, questions or if anyone just needs to chat, I'm here! :)<br />
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I will post all my affirmations I've made so far. Here's to healing and loving ourselves!<br />
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Starting our "Healing Lyme With The Mind" affirmations!! Feel free to print these off and place on your mirror. And repeat them to yourself all throughout the day!! <i class="_4-k1 img sp_1-5JdbvTV3M sx_9b318d" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yF/r/y7JUKSiUB66.png); background-position: -85px -987px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: -3px; width: 16px;"></i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day 3:<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; text-align: left;"> Happy Thursday everyone!!! I hope you are all joining my "Healing Lyme With The Mind" affirmation journey </span><i class="_4-k1 img sp_1-5JdbvTV3M sx_9b318d" style="background-color: white; background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yF/r/y7JUKSiUB66.png); background-position: -85px -987px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; color: #141823; display: inline-block; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; height: 16px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; text-align: left; vertical-align: -3px; width: 16px;"></i><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; text-align: left;"> Today, my affirmation is one that means a lot to myself. Struggling with Lyme and other illnesses takes a toll on us emotionally and mentally. I know that I have become SO much harder on myself. I feel guilty a LOT and feel super inadequate. I catch myself thinking bad/negative thoughts about myself all the time. However, I'm changing that and I hope you can all d</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; text-align: left;">o the same. We were all brought to this earth for a reason and each of our journey's are different, but no matter what, we can't stop loving ourselves!! Our bodies are a gift from God and we need to constantly treat it that way. Especially with our thoughts and our words. I've talked to so many people with Lyme or other illnesses and every single one of them have or had negative thoughts about themselves. Use this affirmation ALL day every day! And before bed!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day 4: <span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"> Nothing is possible without faith. Especially healing </span><i class="_4-k1 img sp_1-5JdbvTV3M sx_0b86b5" style="background-color: white; background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yF/r/y7JUKSiUB66.png); background-position: -255px -970px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; color: #141823; display: inline-block; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; height: 16px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; vertical-align: -3px; width: 16px;"></i><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"> I have "Faith conquers fear" on my vision board. Super powerful! Start believing and see what happens </span><i class="_4-k1 img sp_1-5JdbvTV3M sx_9b318d" style="background-color: white; background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yF/r/y7JUKSiUB66.png); background-position: -85px -987px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; color: #141823; display: inline-block; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; height: 16px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; vertical-align: -3px; width: 16px;"></i></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day 5: <span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; text-align: left;">Repeating this every day multiple times will eventually make it happen! Happy Monday everyone!</span></td></tr>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-36803461651503480432014-07-28T09:23:00.004-07:002014-07-28T09:27:03.164-07:00The Most Inspirational Post You'll Probably Ever Read. **** (Conquering Lyme) <br />
Hi all!!<br />
<br />
As most of you know, from my previous posts, I mention that I typically write a post when I feel inspired. I don't want to write every single day and bore people with my nonsense ;). However, this post won't do that. I have been dying ALL week to get back home from Cabo to write this post!! You guys don't even know my excitement!<br />
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Since my wonderful husband and I got back from our Idaho reception the second weekend in July, I have been super struggling. Some days I would feel okay, other days I was miserable and so sick. I couldn't even get off the couch. I know, that's not uncommon for me. But the last couple weeks were worse in certain areas. Like my stomach for instance. I was having severe nausea, stomach pains, weakness, dizziness, etc. I was having a hard time eating anything. Everything tasted gross to me or tasted "not normal". I was so so so tired. Fatigue is no fun. Ever. My body had been stressed from all the physical work I done at the reception and just the stress in receptions itself! Lyme + stress = major problems.<br />
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I was so sick to my stomach and could not figure out what the heck was going on. With Lyme Disease, typically you get pain anywhere and everywhere at anytime. But it usually isn't so constant or painful (for me in my stomach area). Last week I felt like death. The pain was so bad and I was so weak. My amazing friend Melissa came to hang out with me last Thursday (I think) and she took me to see my Dr. They ran some tests and when results came back my Dr. was like, "Oh... Well, okay." I asked her what was up. She said that my body was losing Ketones. I wasn't very familiar with this so she went on to explain that basically my body wasn't getting enough nutrients cause I wasn't eating enough and whatever I was eating, it wasn't being absorbed. So what was happening was that my stomach was running out of nutrients to digest so it literally started digesting my stomach muscles. "GROSS" is what I thought. I told her it felt like my stomach was eating itself and she said, "well, that's because it basically is". Haha. Makes sense! Anyways, she was telling me all these things to do and if I wasn't better by Monday to go back in, because Tuesday I was supposed to be leaving for Cabo!!<br />
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It was either that same night I went to the Dr or the next night, I woke up in the middle of the night, burning up, stomach hurting so bad, heart pounding super fast and shaking like crazy! I thought to myself, "You have got to be kidding. I have to go to Cabo soon and I'm so sick!!" I woke my husband up and we went to the emergency room. They gave me pain meds, nausea meds and lots of fluid. Everything else looked fine. We got home around 5 a.m. or so and I slept pretty much the whole next day. It was night to be able to finally sleep cause sleeping isn't my strongest point. :) Throughout the weekend I still struggled. I kept taking my meds and supplements and tried to eat super light things. Monday rolled around and I felt A-W-F-U-L. My friend took me back to my Dr. and she immediately said I need to get a CT scan. We talked about things for a bit and she told me she really wouldn't advise me going to Cabo. I somewhat felt relieved, because let's be honest here, who wants to go on a trip OUT of the country when you are super sick?? NOT ME. I really wanted to go to Cabo, but I knew I should probably listen to my Dr. as well.<br />
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I told Simon while he was at work what my Dr. had said. He obviously wasn't super thrilled about it and talked to his boss about my situation. His boss had already purchased everything and didn't know if we could get a refund for us or not. Simon told me what his boss said and told me that he really thinks I will be okay to go. He told me I needed to hurry and let them know so they could get everything figured out asap. As I was sitting on the couch talking to Melissa, I started crying. I told her this was so frustrating and I was so sick of being so sick and not being able to just go do anything I wanted to. I was torn on what to do. I knew if I felt this sick in Cabo it would be a miserable trip and especially a miserable flight. We were talking about praying and having my husband give me a blessing that night when he got home from work. I couldn't decide what to do. I wanted to go, but I knew how sick I was and thought I should maybe listen to my Dr. as well. Just as Melissa and I were discussing praying and what I should do, there was a knock at my door. I was still crying so Melissa hopped up to get it. When she opened the door, I turned around to see two LDS missionaries standing in my doorway. At first, I didn't think much of it cause they asked if we had any Spanish speaking members in our neighborhood. We told them no and we didn't know of any. They asked if there was anything they could do for us at this time and as soon as they said that I immediately thought, "ask for a blessing" and at the same time, Melissa turned to me, gave me this strange look, then told the missionaries to hold on for a second. She closed the door and asked me if it was okay to ask them to give me a blessing. I was like, "YES!!" She opened the door back up and asked them. We told them we didn't have another male member here. They told us to just pull up a chair in the doorway and they would give me one. So there I sat in my chair in the middle of my doorway, Melissa by my side and two missionaries preparing to give me a blessing. As soon as the blessing started, I immediately felt the spirit. My entire body was calmed and filled with peace and comfort. I was blessed with strength and that my symptoms I was dealing with would subside and that I would be comforted. I was told in my blessing that my prayers would be answered in accordance to my faith. There was more in the blessing, but this was the gist of it. Once the blessing was over and the elders left, Melissa and I sat down and were just in awe. We both had tears in our eyes. I told her I knew I would be okay to go on my trip. As long as I kept my faith in Heavenly Father, I would be okay. We were both just amazed at what just happened. That was literally and immediate answer to my prayers!! There I sat, crying to Melissa about my sicknesses and feeling so discouraged and talking about prayers and blessings, then missionaries show up at my house!! The church couldn't be more true. After this all happened I told Simon about everything and he was amazed. He felt the spirit when I told him and was so grateful.<br />
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(As I have mentioned before, I developed major anxiety and fear. The worst things to ever have. My anxiety is much better now, but I still have my moments. And have still struggled with fear. Fear of so many things. Not only that, keep in mind that getting up and walking around can be a huge task for me. Walking isn't just, an easy thing. Some days I am so nauseous and when I walk, it feels like the ground moves or I get super dizzy and loopy. My legs shake from being so weak. And I get exhausted real fast. Heat tends to make me feel really sick and faint also. And any sudden movements can make me want to vomit sometimes. So you can only imagine my thoughts about traveling to the airport, walking through the airport, flying on a plane more than once, going to Cabo in super hot weather, having the stomach pains I'd been having for weeks, heart palpitations, etc. Taking a trip with all this wouldn't be fun.) My worries and fears were outweighing my faith!! How could I ever let that happen!!? I felt like I was never going to get back to where I was before my major downfall back in December. Then... The missionaries showed up. Gave me a blessing. And reminded me of what I was lacking. Faith. No matter how much faith I think I have, it's not enough. And it hasn't been enough. Doubt takes my faith down daily. Without me even realizing this! My fears and doubts were weakening my mind, my strength and mostly, my faith. After receiving that blessing, I thought, "Through Christ, I can do all things." He is there. My prayers are heard every time I pray. My prayers are answered. Not always instantly, but some way somehow, they are ALWAYS answered. Some of them may not even be answered for years, or til the next life. But I know that they are heard and they will be answered when it is HIS time. Not mine.<br />
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Moving Forward -<br />
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Tuesday morning rolls around! Simon and I were up before 4 a.m. to catch our flight. Melissa took us to the airport and we were there by 6:30 a.m. We got all checked in and just waited for our flight. My body was aching so bad, stomach still slightly upset and my nerves felt shot. Once we finally boarded the plane, I felt a little more relieved. I kept remembering my blessings over and over in my head and doing energy work on myself throughout the flight. I tried to keep my mind busy with others things too, so I wouldn't get anxiety or start freaking myself out about things. By the time we got to Cabo, I was done. My body was hurting so bad I could barely walk. My stomach felt so sick and I just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep. I was so annoyed with everything and just wanted to go back home. I hated how I was feeling and it was SO hot! Our shuttle picked us up at the airport to take us to our resort in Cabo San Lucas. It was quite a little drive out there and our driver was flying like crazy ha. Which I was okay with, because I was just ready to be there. Once we arrived it took us probably another 20 minutes or so to get all checked in. We were driven to our villa in a golf cart and then we had to go up 3 flights of stairs. Finally we got to our room and I was SO happy!!<br />
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We walked in our room and it was beautiful!! I was so glad to be there finally and looking out from our patio was an incredible view of the resort and the ocean. It was so lovely! Even though I felt miserable, I was so grateful to be able to make it to Cabo with my amazing husband. He worked so hard to earn this trip and he deserved every bit of it.<br />
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We stayed in Cabo from Tuesday until Saturday. During our stay, I was determined to have fun and just relax. Most of the time I done OK. The heat got to me a lot and we had to go to our room once in a while to cool down. The pools were warm too so it was hard to cool down in them. Every morning I woke up I was exhausted and walking wasn't super great. I was pretty weak and all those stairs were a struggle. But I decided, I was in control and I was going to make it. Each day when I woke up and before I went to bed each night, I said a little prayer to help me through. I started saying a bunch of positive and healing affirmations in my mind over and over. When we first got to Cabo, I told my husband that going to Cabo and being in the sun and heat would help kill the Lyme and all the other bad things in my body.<br />
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Having Lyme really takes a toll on you physically, but also mentally. You HAVE to try and stay positive at all times. No matter what. You have to constantly remind yourself to stay calm, to not have any fear, otherwise anxiety and other things will take over your life. The adversary will try to tear you down day by day, thought by thought. This has been a HUGE struggle for me. And that is one reason why going to Cabo was "scary" for me. I wouldn't be home, close to my Dr. or close to anything for that matter. What if something happened? What if I got sicker? What if I feel miserable and can't enjoy my trip? All these questions popped in my head over and over. Until I received blessings and until I got to Cabo. I had to change my mindset and my thought patterns asap. I knew if I didn't, I would have a terrible time and just focus on being sick the whole time. Each day was a lot of work mentally. Just to get up and walk to breakfast was dreadful. But I did it. Every day we were there. And I survived. I focused on the heat making me feel good any time I walked outside. I focused on my body getting exercise daily and that it was good for my mind and my body. I repeated over and over in my mind that "I can do all things though Christ", "My faith outweighs my fear" and "I am fearless." This may seem like little things to some of you, but to me, they are more than that. This is my life. These struggles are real. And they can take you down at any moment. Whether it be the physical part of Lyme, the emotional part, spiritual part, or mental part. It can destroy you. IF you let it. And I will NEVER let that happen. Sure I still have moments where I break down and cry my eyes out, but who says being strong means you can't cry? Crying cleanses the soul. It helps release those frustrations and the anger that has been building up. That doesn't make you any less stronger.<br />
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Saturday when we finally returned home, my heart was so full of gratitude! I was so excited to be back in Utah. I never thought I would say those words, but boy I sure missed home! The trip was wonderful and so beautiful. It was an incredible experience for me and helped me break through my fears and worries about life and living with Lyme. It was what I needed.<br />
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So this is my conclusion of this story, Cabo is super hot, but beautiful. Blessings are incredible. Prayers will be answered in accordance to our faith. Without faith, we have nothing. Faith can move mountains. Anything is possible. Going on this trip helped me change. My mindset feels like it's getting back to where it used to be. I don't feel like I have this huge blockage anymore and that all these walls that have been building up around my have been shattered. I constantly told myself going to Cabo would help me heal. And I strongly believe that it did. Whether it's healing the Lyme, or healing something else. I felt like I reached a new point in my life and the fear was conquered. My mind is still in "Cabo mode". I constantly keep telling myself I am being healed, I am fearless, etc. I look back through this whole experience of being really sick right before my trip, the blessings I received and the love I felt from my Savior. No matter what happens or what fears come in our way, He is there. He knows and understands everything we are going through when nobody else does. He is the one to turn to in everything. He knows what we need in life. He knows what challenges will be placed in our path and He knows what we need to overcome them. He will never leave us. Keeping God close to us always with a grateful heart, positive mind and positive attitude can help us conquer anything. Of course we will still have trials in life and hardships, but our loads will be lightened by our hope. Our faith.<br />
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I know with all my heart that God is real. Our prayers are always heard. Trials come into our lives to help us learn. To help us grow. To help us become stronger. To shape us, to mold us.... into who we were brought on this earth to really be. I am learning more and more every day. I am learning more about my faith and what I can do to keep it strong at all times. I'm grateful for the trials I have had. Obviously they are miserable and being given the life I have been given, is challenging. BUT I know it's for a reason and to become the person I am meant to be, things had to happen in my life. Without them, my faith wouldn't be strong. I wouldn't understand many things. I wouldn't be as compassionate as I am for others. I wouldn't have my blog, my FB group, my support system, my life full of love without these experiences in my life.<br />
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I hope you all have enjoyed following my blog and that each of you may receive some sort of answers, inspirations or gained any amount of hope and faith from them. I genuinely appreciate each of you who read and share my blogs. I will continue to blog throughout my journey with Lyme and overcoming it and hope you can all continue to follow.<br />
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With much love and gratitude,<br />
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Nicole<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-32225486794759330702014-07-14T18:59:00.000-07:002014-07-14T19:56:50.350-07:00Power of the Priesthood and healing lyme with the mindSince my last post, I have gotten so many great responses from people! It has been so wonderful! People have been contacting me about their stories and how much my blog has helped them. It's amazing what social media does. Especially when it's used for good things. Knowing that my story is getting out there and giving someone even the slightest comfort, makes my heart so full of gratitude. No matter how hard days can be, it makes it better knowing I can try to still be an example and give hope to others.<br />
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Over the last week, I've been doing a lot of praying and pondering about how I can continue to help others and what I need to do. As you know from some of my previous posts, I created a Facebook group called *All About Lyme - Holistic Healing*. I felt so inspired to do so and it's been amazing so far! It's full of wonderful people who are struggling or know someone struggling with Lyme and want to get better. While praying about all of this, I have felt prompted to start some type of "challenge" I suppose you could say. A challenge to change our lives. Change the way we think. Change the way we act. Change our thoughts. Change our attitudes. I've decided to put together a plan for this incredible journey. I've put a lot of thought into this and have come up with the title for this. "Healing Lyme With The Mind". I'm so excited to get this all put together and share with everyone! (So please keep following to join!)<br />
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-- Now I'll share with you all a story :)<br />
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Over the weekend, my husband and I went to Idaho for our second wedding reception. We left Friday afternoon and got into town a little after 5. We had to drive about 45 minutes from my mom's to get to my aunt's house where we were having our reception. We were there until 10 p.m. By the time we got back to my mom's house, I was wiped out. I was so tired and I couldn't think straight. Finally after 11 p.m. I went to bed. As I laid there, my head felt crazy. Felt like all these little bugs going a million miles an hour. I focused on what is called energy work. (I will discuss more about this in another post). I closed my eyes, took some deep breaths and visualized peace and calmness filling my body. Starting with my head, all the way down to my toes. I visualized a white light scanning my body and healing it. (I know this may sound weird to those who aren't familiar with energy work, but bare with me). After a few minutes of this, I fell asleep and slept through the whole night.<br />
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Simon and I had to get up by 7 a.m. so we could be back to my aunt's house by 9 to finish setting everything up and decorate. We worked hard all morning. Around noon I went into my aunt's salon and started getting myself ready for the reception. Once I sat down, I felt like I couldn't get back up. I was already so exhausted with those crazy sensations in my head again. I felt so weak. I started focusing on those visualizations again and focusing on all the positive things. My mom made me a little snack so I could get my blood sugar balanced and focus a little better. Shortly after eating, I got major stomach pains. This happens often so it wasn't anything out of the norm, just bad timing. The reception was starting at 1 p.m. and about quarter after I finally felt okay enough to go outside and get the party started! ;)<br />
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People weren't really showing up just yet, so Stuart, my awesome brother in-law, took some pictures of Simon and I while we waited for more guests. It was quite hot outside and a bit humid. For those of you who don't know, heat is usually NOT my friend. Heat can make everything feel almost 100 times worse. Luckily, before our reception, a good friend of mine who also struggles with Lyme told me she started doing energy work on herself and focused on the heat killing the Lyme. Brilliant!! So that's what I did. I kept telling myself the heat was good for my body and would help kill all the bad things in it. And guess what, I survived the heat! I thought I would have to change out of my wedding dress before an hour even passed, but I didn't. I kept my dress on for over 2 hours. Almost 3. I didn't get too overheated, didn't pass out and I felt OKAY. It was so exciting! I was able to enjoy visiting with all the great guests that showed up and have a good time.<br />
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Once it was over, it was over. I was done. Wiped out big time. After cleaning up, I just wanted to go to bed and sleep for days. Not only was I exhausted, I was so weak, shaky, my legs wanted to give out every time I walked, dizzy and all those things. We hadn't really eaten anything that day so we decided to go get some dinner on the way back to my moms. My sister and her husband wanted to go to Texas Roadhouse with us and my mom. I was very hesitant at first because I have a really hard time with large, noisy crowds now. I struggle as it is with thinking and being calm. When I get around a lot of people, especially in a building, I can't handle it. My head goes crazy, my heart goes crazy, I get hot and feel like I can't breathe. I told my husband I just wanted to leave. He told me that I was okay and to be calm. I bowed my head down and closed my eyes. I said a little prayer to my Heavenly Father that I would be calm and be able to enjoy this time with my family. (I don't go out hardly ever & if we do, it's usually to a quieter more open place). As I finished saying my prayer, I focused on how I would feel if I was calm and able to breathe. I started feeling better and just kept chugging water. Once our food started coming I started feeling better. I kept focusing on the good time with my family instead of focusing on not being able to breathe.<br />
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After dinner Simon and I headed back to my mom's place. When we got back, my sister and her husband were there as well and I just really wanted to keep having a good time with my family and not just go rest and sleep like usual. We stayed outside for a long time playing with air soft guns. SO fun!! I knew my body needed rest, but I just wanted to have fun and enjoy life! After hours of being outside and enjoying company, I was ready for bed. I knew if I didn't go to bed soon, I would keep feeling much worse. I was already feeling horrible, but I didn't want to focus on that. So I went to bed and woke up Sunday morning. I thought, I feel okay today I think. Then once I got up and started packing, I knew it was going to be a really rough day. My head felt so heavy, my chest felt heavy, everything felt sick and painful. I just wanted to go home and lay in my bed.<br />
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Simon and I left that morning and got home in a little less than 3 hours. We got home, unloaded the car, rested for a bit, then unpacked everything. I kept telling myself I could do this. I could get this all done. By the time I finally finished unpacking and cleaning, I felt so sick. My body was burning up and I felt like I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to move. I was going to stay home while Simon went to his parent's for dinner, but I felt bad so I hurry and got ready. We went to dinner and I felt miserable. I just sat there and wanted to cry. I didn't, but I really wanted to. Once we finished dinner, I started feeling okay. We had a nice visit with the family, then came home. I finished a little more cleaning then went and laid in bed. I wanted to sleep, but I knew I couldn't because of how I felt. Simon came in the room and asked if I was okay. He knew I was crying and asked what was wrong and if I needed anything. I told him I didn't feel well at all and I'm so ready to be healed.<br />
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As he laid by me with arms wrapped around me, I cried harder and harder. I told him I am so ready to get better, to do whatever I want, to have family and to be able to enjoy life. He told me he knows I will get better and it just takes time. The longer I laid there and cried, the more frustrated I was getting. The thought I kept getting was to ask for a blessing. I kept ignoring it, then finally, the thought was so strong to ask, so I did. Of course my husband said yes. I was waiting in my room for him to get some oil and a chair. It took him longer than I thought, so I tried to get calm so I could pay close attention to my blessing.<br />
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I haven't even started telling my experience and I'm already crying. I've prayed about whether or not I needed to share this experience on my blog. I was prompted to do so. That's why I'm sharing with you all. Anyways, as Simon laid his hands upon my head and started giving me a blessing, I already felt the spirit. I was still crying, but trying to hold it together. I knew this blessing was going to be different than any other blessing I've ever been given. As the blessing continued, the spirit felt was getting stronger. I could feel my grandpa with me. (He passed away when I was 18 & we were very close). I knew he was there. And shortly after that, I felt more than just the spirit and my grandpa's presence. In my blessing, I was told to be patient and that I will be healed. I just needed to have the patience. I needed to seek my Heavenly Father especially in these hard times. I was blessed with strength, courage and faith to do things in my life. I was told to focus on my health and being a missionary. And faith to be healed. At this point, the spirit was so overwhelming I couldn't stop crying. As I felt the other presences here with me, my husband said in the blessing that angels will be with me and that they are here now. They are here to protect me now and always will be. The tears flooded down my face. I started crying harder and harder. At this point in my blessing, I KNEW without a doubt in my mind, that Heavenly Father is with me. He loves me. He knows me. He knows what I need and knows that in order for me to learn certain things, to grow and to help bless others lives, that I needed to go through all these trials. This was the most AMAZING blessing I have ever been given. I cannot say this enough. I am here to tell everyone that I have the strongest testimony of the power of the Priesthood and the healing powers of Christ. I know one day I will be healed. Even if that day is not today, it is some day. And until that day, I will do what I can to help others and to draw myself closer to Him. He is always there. This blessing is very special to me. I really was unsure about sharing it, but my promptings told me otherwise. I knew I needed to share it. I needed to share my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I love the gospel and am forever grateful to have it in my life. Especially living with Lyme. I don't know what I would without it. I have hope for my life because of it. Life is such an incredible gift that we all have been given and we need to make the most of it by being the best that we can. We need to be the best example for those around us. We need to constantly be in the service of our Lord by serving others. It took me a while to realize that due to this disease I've struggled with doesn't necessarily allow me to physically help other people out all the time, but that doesn't mean I still can't do it from home. Life is a gift to each of us. It's a blessing. Don't take it for granted. I share and leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.<br />
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I'm so sorry this post was so long - I just had to share my story and my testimony with everyone. I hope this leaves those of you who are struggling with anything in life with even a small amount of hope and faith.<br />
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~Nicole<br />
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FB Page - *All About Lyme Holistic Healing*<br />
Instagram - nicole_fay26Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-45418019596154509092014-07-05T19:47:00.001-07:002014-07-05T19:49:31.908-07:00Blessings from LymeGuys... It's been a minutes since my last post.. I am struggling haha. It might sound weird, but I usually only write a post when I feel inspired to do so. I don't want to write every single day. I don't feel the need to. I have to wait for the inspiration to continue.. So with that said, I have found the inspiration for tonight's message.<br />
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The other day I woke up feeling AWFUL. I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to stay in there all day and just sleep everything away. I just knew it was going to be a rough day. I talked myself into getting up and at least going to the couch. As I was sitting there watching television, I started crying. For a moment I thought to myself, "This is never going to end." "Am I ever going to get better?" I felt SO discouraged. I felt angry, bitter, sad, mad, you name it, I felt it.<br />
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My mom called me and we were talking. I started crying harder and just started telling her everything I was feeling. I told her how sick I was of being so sick. I didn't understand anymore why I had to go through this anymore. I just didn't get it. I wanted everything to be better. I wanted to be better. I wanted Lyme to go away. I wanted every ailment in my body to disappear. I even told my mom I didn't want to have kids. (For those of you who know me, know I LOVE kids and always have.) I told her I couldn't take care of a child feeling this way. She felt really bad. She told me I have struggled for so many years and she wished I was better. She just wanted to come take care of me. She had to go and said she would call me in a little bit to see how I was doing.<br />
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After getting off the phone with my mom, I had this thought "seek His help". I went to my bedroom and knelt down. I was sobbing. I tried as hard as I could to get my words out and say a prayer. I told Him I was sorry for not seeking Him sooner and I needed Him. I couldn't do this anymore. I need to be better so I can be a good wife and a mother some day, because that's all I want. I want to be healed so I can at least be able to take care of my future kids when it comes that time. I simply asked for help... Shortly after I started calming down and quit crying.. later that day I felt better than I had earlier.. I thought "Wow.. That's what He wanted.. He just wanted me to talk to Him.. To ask for His help."<br />
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I thought it was so silly of me to forget that He wants me to seek His helps always. There are times I am beyond exhausted and can't read or pray, or I feel too sick to do so.. But why do I keep myself from getting help?? Clearly, a simple prayer, pouring my heart out is all it takes sometimes. Not long after I had said my prayer, I got more energy. I was able to clean my house, even though I had to do a small bit at a time, rest, then do more, I was still able to get it done. As I was making my bed, I had the strongest feeling. I felt like someone was standing next to me with their hand upon my shoulder and I heard " It will be okay." I started crying again. Only this time it was a good cry. It was a cry of hope, faith and comfort.<br />
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I was able to go throughout the rest of my day without any major problems. Later that night as I laid in bed, I had a feeling to read the new Ensign for July. I was looking through the articles and one that stuck out immediately was called, "Faith in God's Plan for Me" by Jessica George. I thought that sounded perfect. This is what the article says:<br />
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A life-changing trial helped me recognize a valuable lesson I could learn from the stone quarry in Kirtland.</div>
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I grew up near Kirtland, Ohio, and have always had a strong testimony of the events that occurred at this early Church site. The Kirtland Temple, Newel K. Whitney store, and nearby John Johnson farm all have a special spirit about them. For me, however, the stone quarry is the most meaningful site.</div>
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Located just a few miles down the road from the Kirtland Temple is a calm little river. Drill marks in the rock next to the river were likely made years after the Saints left Kirtland, but those marks are still a reminder of the purpose this area served in providing stone for the temple. While growing up, I could never explain why this site had such a deep impact on me. It would be years until I understood why it did.</div>
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At the time I left to serve a mission in Argentina, my life was just the way I felt it was supposed to be. My college experience had gone well, and I planned on being able to graduate after just a couple of semesters when I returned home from my mission. But about a year into my mission, I got terribly sick and was sent home with an honorable medical release. Further tests revealed that my heart wasn’t functioning properly. My symptoms were life changing and, unfortunately, untreatable. I became so weak that I had to be in bed for most of the day. Suddenly, everything was different.</div>
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I thought about my future and wondered, “Why me? Why did this have to happen?” I felt that my desires and plans had been good, and I didn’t understand why I had to undergo a trial that changed those plans.</div>
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Time passed slowly. Weeks turned to months, months turned to years, and my health remained poor. By painfully struggling through one class at a time, I eventually finished school. Through the years, however, I began to see that while this was not the future I had anticipated, it was exactly the life God had planned for me. It was then that the importance of the stone quarry I had known from early in my life began to unfold in my mind. I could see parallels between my experience and that of the early Saints who had worked in that quarry.</div>
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Today when people visit the stone quarry, they can see the Kirtland Temple in all its glory just down the road. The early Saints did not have that privilege. Their sacrifice and work were done without the end result, the finished temple, in sight. They likely could not envision that this temple would be the first of hundreds that would fill the earth and bring eternal blessings to God’s children all over the world. They saw only the tools in their hands and the thousands of pounds of rock that needed to be removed. Yet their faith was strong, and they knew their sacrifice would bring forth great blessings.</div>
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From those early Saints I learned that in every life there must be a “stone quarry”—a time and place where we must sacrifice and work before we can see the blessings.</div>
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Although I can’t see the blessings that will come because of my trials, I know I can trust in God’s will for me. And because of the example of those early Saints working in the stone quarry, I know that if I press on, blessings will soon come into view. I am so grateful for the lesson the stone quarry taught me that I can have faith in God’s plan for me even without the end in sight.</div>
This article was so clear to me that night. I had always had a different life planned for me. Always. I never focused so much on the life God had planned for me. And at this moment in my life, it may not be what I had planned and there has been a lot of suffering. And I'm sure there will still be more. But like Jessica mentioned in the 3rd to last paragraph, the Saints did not have the privilege of seeing the temple without all the hard work and sacrifice. This made me think about my life and my own struggles and sacrifices. I had this peaceful feeling that although I've had all these trials and tribulations, the end result will be glorious. Whether it be in this life or the next life, there will be great blessings. I too, like Jessica, have complete trust in God's plan for me. If it means going through trials to reach the glory and those incredible blessings, then all I can do is continue to pray always and not lose faith. I've learned a lot in my life and have become closer to Thee because of my trials. I may have hard days that seem like they won't end, but they will.<br />
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And always remember:<br />
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Nicole~<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-21978887725499947762014-06-24T11:32:00.002-07:002014-06-24T11:32:47.834-07:00Growing From Lyme <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You guys... It has been too long since I have last posted on my blog. I've been pretty occupied with other things.. And a little tired and no motivation ;) I've had so many different thoughts on what I should write about and what people would rather hear about. I just decided to start writing whatever comes to mind!<br />
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Lately, life has been pretty good and I've been feeling okay. My husband and I have started doing do something almost every night. We've been going for evening drives and a couple walks. I can't tell you all how much this has helped me and has made me SO grateful! And can I just tell you all how huge of an accomplishment this is for me?! Seriously though. It wasn't too long ago and getting out of the house was a major task. It happened maybe once a week, if that. I force myself to get up and get out of the house, even if I don't feel real well. There is just something about getting out of the house, getting fresh air and seeing the beautiful things Utah has to offer. It makes my soul feel happy even when I don't feel well. I feel so blessed to have these little opportunities that may mean nothing to some people, but mean so much more to me. I am grateful to spend so much quality time with my husband and to be reminded of the wonderful things God has created.<br />
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Pondering on my life and this blog, I've come to realize some important things. Blessings. I've discussed blessings before and how having trials brings blessings, which couldn't be more true. Just writing this right now is bringing tears to my eyes. Not exactly tears of sadness, but tears of hope and gratitude. I look back at the person I used to be and the life I was living to my life now. Yes it is difficult. Living with a disease that is debilitating is never easy. Not for the person with the disease or the people around them. But I can tell you this... Living with Lyme has made me stronger. It's made me grow in many ways, especially spiritually. I've learned so much about myself and the person who I am supposed to be. The person He has wanted me to become. I've learned how to love people no matter what, be thankful in every situation, and to continuously love myself.<br />
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Obviously from my previous posts, Lyme makes your mental state not so great, so yes there are times when you don't love yourself and don't love life.. And sometimes it doesn't even feel like it's you who is really thinking/feeling these things. It can be a roller coaster of emotions as I'm sure everyone with a disease or illness can attest to this. For me, the last few days have been so emotional! I can't even really explain why I feel more emotional than usual. Inadequacy is an emotion that often hits me hard. Especially the last few days. I keep thinking back to when I was working as a store manager, having a great income, and pretty much doing whatever I want. It's completely opposite now. I stay at home all day every day. Days I feel good enough I try and find things to keep my busy or at least keep my mind distracted. I think I've been emotional lately because I want change. I want nothing more than to feel great and do accomplish anything I want. I've realized that maybe I can't accomplish and do exactly everything I want, but I've learned that I can start praying more about what I'm supposed to do or supposed to learn at this point in my life RIGHT NOW. I've felt like I'm missing something or supposed to be doing something, but don't know what. However, I know it will come to me eventually and in that process I will just learn so much more about myself and notice the little blessings along the way.<br />
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I want to become a mom, so, so bad. I don't know when that will happen or if that will ever happen. And this makes me feel inadequate. I have fears of not being able to ever have kids, fears of not feeling good enough to take care of them once they are born, fears of not being a good enough mom. I'm sure most moms feel this way at one point or another. My amazing husband has given me so much peace and comfort. I don't think he even realizes how much. I explained my feelings to him about all of this stuff the other day. He told me regardless of what happens, it will be okay. He helped me remember that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and He knows what I can and can't handle. He knows me better than I know myself. I have to remember I constantly need faith and patience. It truly doesn't matter when we want something in life. It is all in His timing. Our timetable is NOT the same as His. Never has been and never will be. I know as long as I keep doing what I'm supposed to and doing all I can to draw myself closer to Him every single day, I will continue to be blessed. If I didn't have any of the trials or ever been diagnosed with Lyme and other illnesses, I wouldn't be this grateful. I wouldn't have the love and the appreciation that I do for life itself. It's so precious and it goes by so fast. I'm still learning new things every day and am still fighting Lyme. But I have a heck of a support system full of wonderful people and love. I know healing will not come fast, but I know that throughout my journey, I'll continue to become a stronger, more faithful and just all around better person.<br />
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I just want to again thank EVERYONE who has been reading and following my blog. I will try to update more often. I am so grateful for the love and support I have received from everyone and I pray that my blog can help each of you in some way.<br />
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(Join us on Facebook! - *All About Lyme - Holistic Healing*)<br />
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Lots of love,<br />
Nicole<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-53281703425020843142014-06-11T12:47:00.001-07:002014-06-11T12:47:26.430-07:00My Lyme Confessions <iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/QgaTQ5-XfMM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe>As I have been sitting here doing some research today, I've come across a lot of things about Lyme and how it makes you feel, especially emotionally. There have been a lot of negative things discussed and how horrible it is, debilitating, etc. And yes, this is absolutely true. This disease can be VERY debilitating.<br />
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My goal when I started this blog and my FB Group was to give people hope and to help them. I want there to be more love and positive outlooks on life especially when suffering from chronic diseases/illnesses. However, trying to constantly stay positive and help others isn't always easy. I've decided today I want to talk about what it's like for me specifically. What it can be like every day.<br />
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<u>My Lyme Confessions</u><br />
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#1 - I truly despise Lyme. I don't know why or how I got it, but I did. Over 20 years ago and wasn't diagnosed until 2011. Seriously one of the most frustrating things ever! I sometimes wonder why it took so long to diagnose me and if I would've been diagnosed sooner, could I be healed by now?<br />
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#2 - My emotions get the best of me sometimes. I had to quit my job back in February and I haven't worked since. This was the worst thing ever. I have never had to quit my job due to being ill. There are times when I missed weeks of work, but luckily I was blessed to have such understanding bosses. When it got to this point, I felt like a failure. A huge failure. I felt like my world was slowly caving in. I couldn't be this super independent person and do whatever I wanted to anymore. I moved away from my family and part of me felt like I needed them. I was engaged at this time and thinking about getting married and planning it made me sick to my stomach. I would think to myself, "why would all this happen now?" "why?" It didn't make sense to me and I would get so upset and angry. I could feel my confidence, positive attitude, faith, hope, strength, everything start to dwindle. I became really hard on myself. Because I physically was not able to do pretty much anything at all, even take a simple shower or bath, I doubted everything about myself. Including my love for myself.<br />
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#3 - I felt inadequate to get married. In the past, I always wanted to marry an amazing man and start a family. However, when I would have my flare ups or feel super ill while dating someone, I told myself, "I can't let this become somebody else's burden.I would feel horrible if they had to deal with this." So deep down, I probably sabotaged my relationships. (Which I'm completely okay with now). I didn't know how in the heck I was going to feel good enough to go to the Temple and be sealed to my sweetheart if I couldn't even get out of bed most days. I didn't know how I was going to be a good enough wife. I felt so undeserving of my fiance (at the time). I wanted to be the best fiance and the best wife ever. I just doubted everything about this and constantly feared it wouldn't work.<br />
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#4 - I began to love myself less. Lyme messes your brain up big time. Your thoughts become so mixed/messed up sometimes. Because of all these things I had to give up or quit in my life, I felt no good. No good for anything besides keeping my bed warm. Before my last flare up or episode, I felt like I could conquer the world. I had been working so hard on loving myself and everyone around me. I had been doing a lot of energy work, going to the temple, praying, reading, meditating, etc. I felt good even on days I felt bad. But this all changed. It hit me harder than it's ever hit me in my life and I wasn't mentally prepared for any of this. I started having unhealthy thoughts about myself.<br />
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#5 - I felt so alone. I sat home alone all day and still do. Monday through Friday. And let me tell you, it's probably one of the hardest things to deal with some days. Like the last week. I have been feeling so sick and all I've been doing is laying on my couch, watching TV. Hardly moving all day long. It really gets to a person. I've cried A LOT. I want to just go lay out by the pool or go lay outside, be somewhere else, have my mom here, etc. But I don't. My legs have been in so much pain, my back hurts, I have pressure in my head, upset stomach, sore neck, etc. Being alone all day really is no fun after a while. And I'm going on 6 months now.. What I would give to be zoning every day or working again.<br />
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#6 - I miss being social. I love people! I love meeting new people. I enjoy being around others who make me laugh or make things feel better. I was attending church almost every Sunday before now. I was attending the temple almost weekly. I would go on dates, go out to dinners, movies, parties, etc. I've kissed that goodbye.<br />
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#7 - I miss food. Holy cow!! I cannot tell you how hard it is not being able to enjoy what you like. It sounds silly to some, but food is something I love! Why does it have to be so bad?? Why can't I enjoy a splurge now and then?? If I do, I'm sick for who knows how long and it takes days, sometimes weeks to recover from something as small as a cookie or brownie. My digestive system has gone through so much and with Lyme, you have to be SOO careful on your diet.<br />
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#8 - I miss my old self. I use to be so active. Constantly working out, being active outdoors, having lots of energy, etc. The thought of working out makes me sick now. When you have to change your life completely, it hurts. It really does. I don't care what people say, it's not easy.<br />
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#9 - I really want a family someday. The thought of becoming a parent scares me. Lyme can be passed through to the children and yes, it scares me. I am constantly worrying about if I will be able to even have children due to everything. And if I do, how am I going to take care of them by myself while my husband is at work?? All these thoughts almost constantly run through my mind. I want to be a great mom. I want to enjoy having a family. I don't want my children to get this disease from me.<br />
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So, these are some of my confessions. Lyme is not easy and never will be. As I was writing my confessions, I started crying the second I began #1. It is hard, really, really hard sometimes. And I know there are many people out there who suffer just like I do and have. I know there are some people who struggle more too. While it is still so important to have a good, positive attitude, we are still human. We have feelings and we have times where we aren't strong. And that is OKAY. Without having these feelings, we wouldn't realize how wonderful life is during the times we do feel okay or feel great. We'd have nothing to compare it to and we wouldn't know what gratitude truly meant. Even though I have these feelings, does not mean I don't believe I can be healed and doesn't mean that I am going to give up. And here are my reasons why.<br />
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<u>Confessions to my confessions</u><br />
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#1 - I really do truly despise Lyme. However, I know this is part of the plan for ME here on this earth. I also know that these trials are for other people and not just me.<br />
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#2 - My emotions really do get the best of me. I know I had to quit my job and I felt like a failure in life. However, at the time I was engaged to an incredible man. Seriously, I have no idea what I would have ever done without him in my life. Ever. He has been the biggest blessing and I thank my Heavenly Father every single day for him and all that he has done and all that he still does. He made everything okay. Without his love and support, I couldn't have done it. I tell him how much I love him constantly and I can never describe in words the love I have for him. My heart is so full of gratitude to him and to my Heavenly Father for bringing him in my life.<br />
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#3 - I may have felt inadequate to get married, but I got married :) Those feelings are normal for anyone who deals with Lyme or anything like it. When we can't be 100%, we don't love ourselves 100%. We are way too hard on ourselves. No matter how sick we are, we still have to love ourselves. And please don't forget that! Life is about learning and loving. We have to remember that through trials, we are learning things constantly, whether we recognize it at the time or not. I know for me, as I look back now, I have learned so much! And I know I will never be the same person I was before, because in learning, I've grown. My husband has helped me along the way too. He's the one person I can tell everything too and cry my eyes out and he can still comfort me and make me feel better. Him knowing my feelings and thoughts have been super important. I used to just hold most my feelings in, but he has helped me to become more open about how I'm feeling. He wants to hear how I'm really feeling, whether it's good or bad. He loves me and cares about me just as much as I love and care about him.<br />
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#4 - I am working on loving myself more. I try not to be so hard on myself or always think it's because of me or this illness. Loving yourself more means others love you more.<br />
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#5 - I still feel alone. On days where I can't do much and just sit or lay here, my mind does slightly wonder and I get super lonely. Even though I feel like I'm alone and it gets depressing, I know I'm really not alone and I will pray to my Father in Heaven. And I still have something to look forward to... My husband coming home. All day I sit here trying to keep my mind of things and keep busy somehow, but nothing will ever compare to that feeling when my husband walks through the door. The second he gets home I feel safe and so loved. I still get butterflies when I see him. I am so thankful for every second I get to spend with him. No matter how much I tell him this, he will never understand how he truly makes me feel or the amount of gratitude I have for him and all that he does for me.<br />
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#6 - I miss attending church every Sunday and going to the temple often. Again, not being able to go all the time only makes me more grateful for when I do get to go. And I know one day I will be able to become the social little butterfly I used to be ;)<br />
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#7 - Food. Seriously.. I'm craving bad food as I type this. One day I know I will be able to enjoy more food. One day.<br />
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#8 - I know I may never get back to my "old" self, but I will have a "new" self. And I will enjoy all the activities I used to and then some.<br />
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#9 - Having a family.... Still a tender subject. I've always wanted nothing more than to be a stay at home mom and raise a beautiful, healthy family. Here is what I have concluded.. If I do get to have children, I will be forever grateful and if for some reason the Lyme is passed on, I've learned so much that I will be able to help treat and cure it. If having children myself isn't an option, other options are available. Though I still have some fears about becoming a mom, regardless how it happens, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that I am a true daughter of God and that I have a define plan and purpose on this earth. I know with all my heart. I trust in the Lord and I know that He trusts me and He knows me best, so I'm ready for whatever plan is in store for me.<br />
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I apologize this post was so long, but I felt inspired to share these with you. These are very personal things and although some things I don't want to share, it felt good to talk about it and be reminded of blessings that come from trials. Thanks for reading and following my blog!<br />
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~Nicole~<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-13488575670165090442014-06-09T13:50:00.001-07:002014-06-09T13:50:15.996-07:00Lyme Less & Love Your Body More!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Good afternoon!!<br />
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Again, I cannot thank you all enough for all your support! It has truly amazed me! My blog is being shared all around the world and I'm so grateful for this! So thank you, thank you!!<br />
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My last post was about hoping being a part of healing. Which we all know that without hope, we can never heal. (In any situation).<br />
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I've been sitting here contemplating on what to write today... And for some reason, I feel like I just need to talk about how Lyme makes you feel. Not only physically, but mentally. Lyme is a very challenging disease. Physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Some days you feel like you can almost conquer the world. Other days, getting out of bed is a major achievement. Like today for instance, I'm still in my pj's laying on the couch with zero motivation to do anything. I'm beyond exhausted, my body aches terribly, I'm dizzy, burning up, etc and right now, I don't even care. If someone were to walk in, they'd just witness a "couch potato". It's been a pretty rough weekend for the most part. Some of it may be due to a slight splurge in my diet, which if it was, it was sooo not worth it. So this brings me to loving your body.<br />
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Throughout the years of being ill, there have been some very emotional times. Times where you really over think every single thing no matter what and your emotions are all over the place. You feel worthless, helpless, useless, etc. These thoughts are completely normal with Lyme Disease. (And others as well). Lyme really effects EVERYTHING in your life. Going from one extreme to the next can really do a toll on your mind and body. People can get to a really low point in their life and truly let themselves go. And I'm not ashamed to say, I've been there. At times, I can still feel myself slowly going back that direction, but I can't. I won't. I've come to learn that throughout this whole experience, my faith and hope have become so tried, but so much stronger.<br />
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Back to loving your body - with Lyme, diet plays a huge role. There are some very strict diets for people with Lyme to help reverse it. No sugars, grains, wheat, gluten, soy, dairy, red meat, processed foods... Growing up in an environment where we basically ate these things constantly, not knowing what they did, to now, is a huge lifestyle change. HUGE. However, I can honestly say that treating your body right and only nourishing it with the purest and healthiest of foods can only increase your healing process. And treating your body right, doesn't mean just feeding it right.. It means loving your body, loving yourself. No matter what's been placed in our paths and how much we feel useless, worthless, or feel like you can't do anything, you HAVE to keep loving yourself!<br />
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Just recently I have received an amazing priesthood blessing from my incredible husband. The spirit was so strong and there were words that stuck to me like glue. And I knew it was coming from our Heavenly Father. The blessing was very sacred and special to me so I won't share word for word, but I'll give a comparison. Basically, the blessing was that I couldn't help anyone beyond what I've helped myself. I've been pondering this since. Helping people in life is one of my passions. I want to help people heal. I want people to know they are loved and there is always hope. Because of everything I have gone through, loving myself wasn't exactly my forte or my priority. I would get to a place where I truly felt worthless, fear the future and not focus on faith or hope. At the time, I didn't realize what damage this was doing to not only my mind, but my body. The more I had these thoughts, the worse I felt. Yes, I can blame Lyme all I want on how it's made me feel over the years, OR I can change my life by knowing that even though I still have really hard days and can't get off the couch, I don't have to think negatively about myself or the disease. Of course I don't like the disease and what it has done, but I keep my faith and hope knowing that not every single day is the same. Slowly, I am getting better and some days it feels like I took 10 steps backwards. It's a very, very long process, but it can't let you get to the point where you give up. It's okay to have a bad day, or two bad days, or even 10! I've missed out on so many family functions, church meetings, just going to church and activities, and if I think about all I have missed, I get super down and feel awful. I'm sure most people who suffer from illnesses/diseases feel the same way. I'm here to tell you it's okay if you aren't always able to do or give 100% of yourself all the time. Healing is a process. Sometimes faster for some than others. But you will get there and it will be worth it. These trials are temporary and will not always be there. Keep your heads up, focus on faith and hope. And lastly, LOVE YOURSELVES!! I challenge everyone of you, sick or not, to look in the mirror every morning and say "I love you" & "I accept you". This may sound funny to some of you, but do this for at least 21 days and see what happens.<br />
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Thank you all again so much for the love and support! Remember to keep your faith and hopes high and to keep loving yourself along the way.<br />
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~Nicole~Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-47597784579689109262014-06-06T14:49:00.001-07:002014-06-06T14:49:43.412-07:00Lyme: Hoping Is Part Of Healing<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/7EJJzg1LOZA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Happy Friday!!<br />
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*****I've added this little video for some background music cause I LOVE this song! Please enjoy it while reading this post :)<br />
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I can't believe how much love my blog has been getting! I feel so overwhelmed and full of gratitude for this. My goal is to reach out to others and give them hope. And I feel like it's starting to happen! So thank you all for that!!<br />
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After I had created my group on FB, I've talked with some wonderful people! All kinds of people. Most of them with Lyme, but some with other chronic health issues and it has truly made me realize some things. It made me realize a couple things about Lyme that I feel needs to be shared. And this just doesn't have to apply to Lyme Disease either. This can apply to life in general.<br />
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Some of the MOST crucial points when having Lyme are, you have to WANT to be better. You have to KNOW you can do it. You have to CHANGE your way of LIFE and your way of THINKING. If you don't want it, don't feel you can do it or constantly negative, it will not happen. You will not get better. I am not saying this to offend anyone, so please don't think that :) I'm saying this because it's true and it's from personal experience. Our attitudes have so much to do with our journey here on earth. If we want to be healed and have hope, it will be worth it and it will amaze you what you will learn throughout your journey.<br />
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Years ago when I was constantly getting sick and seeing many different Doctors, I started getting frustrated, angry, bitter, etc. I could not understand why Doctors could not help me. The one person who is supposed to help you when you're sick, couldn't help me. And it wasn't just one Doctor. It was several after several. I remember I started becoming negative, not always out loud, but in my mind. I'd have thoughts of never getting better, never knowing what was really wrong with me or if it was maybe just all in my mind. Part of me at times thought maybe I was going crazy. But deep down I knew this wasn't right. There were nights I would lie in bed crying so hard I couldn't breathe. And I would pray to our Heavenly Father for peace and comfort. I would pray that I would wake up the next morning. And guess what? I would. No matter how miserable I felt the night before or how much crying I had done or how angry I was, I would always wake up the next day. That alone gave me hope. Don't get me wrong, this journey is a real struggle most days. But after years of going through what I had, to learning all about natural/holistic treatments and healing, I have more hope and faith now than ever before.<br />
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There comes a point in our lives when we are suffering and we wonder why we have to deal with this. Why us? If we are constantly thinking the negative and asking why me, it's time to switch our thinking to better our lives. Instead of asking why me or feeling like a victim, ask questions like, "What am I to learn from these trials?" I know this can be very hard to switch the way you think, but it can also be very simple and life changing. I've been there before and have personally experienced some of the most incredible blessings and changes in my life.<br />
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If we go to bed thinking negative thoughts like, "Oh great, tomorrow is going to be another crappy day", "I'm going to feel terrible tomorrow", "nothing will be different", or "I'm never going to get better"... Surprise!! You are correct. What we think is what we get. It's called the Law of Attraction. People need to be more aware of their thoughts and actions. Negative thoughts brings negativity. Positive thoughts bring more positive. Some of you may wonder what this has to do with healing Lyme. Well, it actually has to do a lot. Thinking that you'll never get better will do nothing for you, but make you feel worse. If we strive to have hope, faith and be positive about our healing, you'll see a world of difference. I can promise you this. I won't lie, there are times where I still struggle. There are some days when I just can't do it. I can't take it. But I have to remember to change my way of thinking and not get stuck in those thoughts because I have to look at how far I've come already. I may not be where I want to be physically, but I know that having faith in my Heavenly Father, my Savior, and being positive, I can overcome anything.<br />
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Everyone has been given a divine plan and purpose on this earth. Whether we wan't to believe it or not, I testify that this is true. I know part of my plan was to have Lyme and all these other illnesses for a reason. Some of those reasons are to help others. I've not only learned things for myself as to why I've been dealt the trials and tribulations I have, but I've learned that most of my trials are for other people. Without Lyme and all the other health problems I've had, I would not be where I am today. I wouldn't have found my true passion in life to help heal others, to become a Foot Zoner, to love energy work, be married to the most amazing husband in the entire world and I wouldn't have come to love Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ the way I do now. My love for them is beyond words.My faith has grown so much and it has strengthened me in many, many ways. Knowing that no matter the struggle or no matter how hard my day is, I have someone there for me always. I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but I also know there are blessings in store and I won't stop fighting. I hope and pray for all of you who suffer from anything can find that hope is part of healing. Without hope, what do we have? Nothing. Stay positive, be grateful always and remember where there is hope, there is a way.<br />
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<u>Things to Remember:</u><br />
*Create a positive environment<br />
*Use affirmations in your healing process: "I am healing", "I can overcome _____", "I am strong"<br />
*Find support groups (Like my blog and FB page;))<br />
*Let people around you be aware of what you are going through<br />
*Pray Pray Pray - You are loved and you are heard. You are never alone and our nobody understands better than our Savior.<br />
*Keep your faith<br />
*Never lose hope<br />
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~Thanks again to all of you who are following and being a part of my journey ~<br />
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Nicole</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-37857030673141632372014-06-04T13:00:00.001-07:002014-06-04T13:00:06.385-07:00The Truth About LymeGood afternoon :)<br />
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Today is one of those days where I just wish I had my mom here. Yes I am almost 26 and that probably sounds silly to some of you. But today the Lyme is totally kicking my butt and there is something about having your mom around when you're sick ;)<br />
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I've recently been in contact with quite a few people with Lyme Disease and have had some great conversations. I've been asked to talk/discuss more about Lyme on my blog. So here it goes. I'm just going to lay out the truth about Lyme.<br />
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Let's face it. Lyme is miserable. IT. SUCKS. For those of you who have it, know this to be more than true. Not saying it is worse than anything else in the world, but it feels that way at times. There can be good times, bad times and really bad times with Lyme. And yes, it can be fatal. Lyme has been overlooked for so many years and people need to learn more about it and be aware of it. People who have Lyme have suffered for months and even years before even being diagnosed with it. Some Dr.'s even call it an Epidemic. That's scary. An epidemic that is highly overlooked and misdiagnosed constantly.<br />
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Lyme originally was found back East in Connecticut (in 1975). So what does this mean for people in other parts of the world? It means that most Dr.'s and some people believe Lyme cannot be found in anyone else who isn't back East or who hasn't traveled to another country. Well guess what? This is a bunch of b.s. Whether you want to believe it or not, Lyme can be found basically anywhere. And when your Dr. does decide to test for it and most tests come back negative, they misdiagnose it as another disease/illness. (Such as Multiple Sclerosis, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Chronic Sinus Infection, and the list goes on.) But guess what else? Lyme can actually hide. Yes, hide. Obviously if they can hide, some tests will appear negative and patients will continue to be treated for the wrong illness. And if they do come back positive, Dr.'s will want to treat you with heavy antibiotics. Some of you may know that antibiotics for long periods of time can ruin your body. Also, newsflash, antibiotics can only work within the first 7-10 days of getting Lyme. Most people aren't diagnosed for months or years, so clearly, antibiotics will not work. If you get treated with antibiotics, your body will eventually become immune to them anyways. So hundreds to thousands of dollars later, there you are, still suffering from Lyme and wasted a lot of money.<br />
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When Lyme was first found, it was linked to a Deer Tick bite. Most of you probably know that this is what causes Lyme. However, this isn't true either. Lyme Disease can be linked to ticks, mosquitoes, deer flies, spiders, etc. Many people are highly unaware of this. It's really important that people know this and people become more open about Lyme Disease because there is so much that needs to be told.<br />
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So- here is a small portion of the truth about Lyme.<br />
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Through my journey, I have done hours and hours of research, talked to many different people, read books, etc. I know a lot of people are into conventional/modern medicine. And don't get me wrong, I think it's great and the world has come a long way with today's medicine. However, not when it comes to Lyme. I'm not writing this to bash on Dr.'s or today's medicine at all, because it was all created from good intention and has helped so many people. Lyme is a different story. And in my opinion, along with my experience and experience of people I know, holistic, alternative and natural treatments are THE best way to go. Without it, I probably wouldn't even be here today. It's been a saving grace.<br />
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I will continue to discuss more about Lyme in my blogs and help reach out to people. Even though Lyme sucks and can be extremely hard, there is hope. And everyone should know this. Lyme can be cured. It takes a lot of faith, hope, knowledge, strength and positive attitude in the healing process. Because the process doesn't just happen over night. It can take years. But years is better than never.<br />
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I know that I have been dealt these trials in my life for a reason. Whether it's to strengthen my faith, others faith or to help others find hope, it's my trial and I will make the best of it. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and trusts me to enough to have this trial. It's been extremely hard at times and there have been times where I felt like I wasn't going to make it, but I did. I hope and pray for each and everyone of you who suffer from Lyme or any other illness. But I also want you all to know you can never lose hope. Ever. Sometimes we don't know why we go through the things we do, but we have to stay positive and do the best we can, even if doing the best sometimes is not being able to get out of bed.<br />
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I hope you will all continue to share my blog and keep reading! I appreciate all the support I have been given and all the wonderful messages! I absolutely love them! Have a wonderful day everyone!<br />
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P.S. I was inspired to create a group for Lyme Disease on Facebook. For those of you who need support or want to learn about holistic healing for Lyme, please join us! The group is called - *All About Lyme - Holistic Healing*<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-50390121281334381302014-05-29T11:30:00.001-07:002014-05-29T11:33:00.581-07:00Throwin' it back to my wedding day! Good afternoon everybody! I decided I need to get this blog updated. It has been too long! I have so many topics to start writing about and can't wait to share them with all of you! However, since I just recently got married, I would love to share my experience with you all and blog about that today! :)<br />
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May 15, 2014. Best. Day. Of. My. Entire. Life. I married my best friend. It was the most beautiful day!<br />
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Photo by: Katie Evans</div>
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As you all know, I've suffered from major diseases and illnesses. Preparing for the BIG day was stressful. The whole planning and everything wasn't the stressful part. I was so sick and I was so stressed out about not feeling better by the time of my wedding. About a week before, as I posted in a previous update, I received a blessing from my Branch President. Leading up to the wedding, I kept trying to remain calm and not stress because all it would do is make me feel worse. As the wedding day got closer, I just kept praying and kept having faith that everything would be fine. I had to keep remembering the blessing I received and the most comforting words that I was told. I knew as long as I trusted in the Lord and kept repeating that blessing in my mind, everything would be just fine.<br />
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As the wedding day approached, I woke up feeling awful. I only got a little over 3 hours of sleep. For those of you who don't know, having Lyme, MS or other illnesses, if you have little to no sleep, it literally feels like your body has been destroyed and there is hardly any functioning. I just kept telling myself I was calm and healthy and energetic. My sisters and I packed our stuff and headed to my friends hotel room to get ready there. As I was getting my hair done, I was struggling. My stomach was hurting, I was exhausted, no energy and just felt terrible. I finished getting ready and Nichelle (my sister) and I headed to the temple. I had a constant prayer in my mind and heart the whole time. I tried hard to ignore how I was feeling and focused on the exciting things. Like getting married!!<br />
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We arrived at the temple a liiiiittle bit late because the parking was a nightmare.. As I walked in and saw my future hubby sitting there, I immediately felt calm. I was so ready to marry him! We got to spend some time together then went our separate ways for a short while. My mom was with me helping me get ready. It was so peaceful.<br />
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The time came when Simon and I were ready to get sealed. It was such a wonderful experience! I thought for sure I would cry like a baby, but I didn't. I was just so happy and so excited to finally marry the man of my dreams, my best friend, my everything. I felt so grateful to be in the House of The Lord and sharing that wonderful experience with our loved ones.<br />
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As I was changing into my wedding dress to make my grand appearance, my heart was so full of joy, peace and so much gratitude. I was so thankful I was able to have this day happen. Even though I felt awful that whole morning and through most of the sealing, I didn't even care. My heart and mind were somewhere else and I knew that as long as I kept my faith in my blessing and the Lord, my wedding day would be perfect. It made me realize how crucial it is to maintain faith through anything in life. Trials or happiness, faith is always needed.<br />
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Simon and I came out of the temple and I'm pretty sure we were both just glowing! It was so wonderful to see all of our loved ones there to support us and help us celebrate our day. I was just so thankful!! We had all of our pictures taken by our amazing photographer, Katie Evans. We didn't spend super long taking pictures 'cause by that time, I was so exhausted and the 5 inch heels weren't helping, but boy were they stunna!<br />
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After we finished taking pics, Simon and I were starving so we decided to go get some grub... Yes, in our wedding attire, we went to Carl's Jr. and got food. I was craving fries so bad and it was close to our house so that's where we went.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">~No judging~</td></tr>
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We had a lovely reception later that evening at 6-8. It was everything we wanted. We had our reception in this super cute barn in Draper. We wanted the vintage, rustic theme and it was perfect!! We couldn't have done it without my sweet mother in-law. Because I was so sick through our engagement, she pretty much just took over and done just about everything! I feel so grateful to have such wonderful in-laws in my life!! They have been incredible and I will be forever grateful for all they have done.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoxErehcBvx6Ub_07mLJRGlvVFdj38WujC2EL8AHumkR2jT75s3OCgMhONiz0AINgQouYIhw-DZHzB1ng74iI4KJE6D519TqXcJfFL1vRbfSYCh-5GDMCDMRQ9lWYTjG8I35NikCUn208g/s1600/10311890_10202448065137834_6078807015715584087_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoxErehcBvx6Ub_07mLJRGlvVFdj38WujC2EL8AHumkR2jT75s3OCgMhONiz0AINgQouYIhw-DZHzB1ng74iI4KJE6D519TqXcJfFL1vRbfSYCh-5GDMCDMRQ9lWYTjG8I35NikCUn208g/s1600/10311890_10202448065137834_6078807015715584087_n.jpg" height="309" title="Photo By: Katie Evans" width="320" /></a></div>
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Photo by: Katie Evans</div>
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I am going to eventually post some photos, I'm just still waiting to get them! I hope you guys enjoyed this little update and look forward to seeing all the beautiful pictures from our wedding day!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-31798707191520045372014-05-02T11:01:00.003-07:002014-05-02T11:01:47.756-07:00I Need Thee Every HourBefore I begin writing about what's been going on lately, I just want to say thank you so much to all of you who are following my blog and for all the amazing messages I have been receiving! I am so grateful for each and every one of you. This blog may be about my life and struggles, but the intention is to inspire others who are struggling to always look up.<br />
<img alt="LDS Conference 2014" height="199" src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/1d/52/76/1d52769120e3048eaf1333f63264e351.jpg" width="200" /><br />
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Over the last week I have been started to feel better. YAY! Progress is being made! I think all the treatments and medicine is really starting to help. However, I also know that there has been a big change in me mentally and spiritually. Sometimes we can't seem to feel the spirit or have the greatest amount of faith possible, because we hit blockages. There are many different type of blockages that we get or face. Mostly, they are emotional blockages. These are things I learned a lot about during my Foot Zoning classes. It's amazing what they can do to a person. I know that my body had created a bunch of emotional and mental blockages due to the disease I have suffered with. Sometimes when we are struggling so much we can't seem to look past our trial and feel that overwhelming joy or peace that we love to feel. After visiting with my Branch President on Tuesday and receiving such an amazing blessing, something clicked. Even after all the foot zones, energy work and treatments I have had done, something else hit me.<br />
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The Hymn, "I Need Thee Every Hour" came to my mind during my blessing. I knew that everything had started to work but after that blessing, I felt like I was started to get those "good feelings" back. I was feeling a "shift" in my body. The shift I had been waiting for, for a long time.<br />
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I knew I needed to go to the temple. I have been wanting to go for so long, but I just never made it. On days where I could get a ride to the temple or whatnot, I just physically couldn't do it. I either had too much pressure in my head, super dizzy, nauseous, my balance was way off, I had too much numbness/tingling or my fatigue just overtook everything. I've been praying so hard for a chance to go do some temple work. I used to go multiple times a week and I missed it so so much! I missed the feelings of peace in the temple. I missed feeling so close to Heavenly Father. Sometimes I would get so upset that I couldn't go and I would feel my faith start to fade. I knew in the back of my mind that everything always happens for a reason. And I knew this was all happening for a reason as well.<br />
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The day after my blessing, my good friend and I ran a bunch of errands. Keep in mind, I don't ever do this. It has been a long time since I've been "busy" and ran errands all day. My body has been so weak and exhausted that all I have done is just sat home or laid in bed usually. We decided we were going to the temple that day to do some temple work. I was always nervous before about trying to go, because I had fears of getting more sick while in the temple. I kept letting my fear get the best of me. But that day, I told myself nothing was going to stop me from going to the temple. I needed it. I needed to go and I needed to do temple work. I needed to serve others. As we walked into the temple I immediately felt peace and comfort. I knew I wasn't alone and that I would be okay. There were moments where I felt super hot and faint, but I kept focusing on the reason why I was there and listening to all those incredible words and blessings. I made it through initiatories and felt so excited!! I met back up with my friend, Melissa and then we headed up to the most GORGEOUS room in the Salt Lake Temple. I had never been there before. Only for my sister's sealing. Which was unbelievably amazing. As Melissa and I walked in that room and sat down, I felt that "burning in my bosom". I began to pray and the comfort and peace just kept overwhelming me. My heart was so full of gratitude. I can't express the joy I felt sitting in that room and knowing that I was there. Finally. It had been way too long and all I could think about was that moment in the temple and how nothing else mattered then. Not the disease, not the stresses, the struggles and hardships that have been going on in my life. I just knew I'd be okay and life will get better.<br />
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I promised myself that I will do whatever it takes to go to the temple as often as I can. The thought of not being able to go for months just makes me feel sad. I know that as long as I keep my faith and trust in the Lord with all my heart, I can attend the temple more frequently. I also know that this will help in my healing process. It will help me feel more peace, comfort and joy. No matter the circumstances in life, we must always remember how important it is to keep our Heavenly Father close. Pray at all times, give thanks always and we will begin to see ourselves be strengthened. Heavenly Father loves each of us. He is always there for us as long as we allow Him to be there. There is no trial or tribulation that cannot be overcome with the help of Him.<br />
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For all of you who are fighting any kind of battle right now, I pray for all of you. I hope you can continue to stay positive and always try to look at the good side of things and know that we are given certain trials for a reason. Sometimes the trials we are given, aren't even for us. They can be for other people. I'd like to think that about my trials. I feel like I've been given these things to help others. To help others strengthen their faith and to help others in their healing process.<br />
*Just remember we can overcome all things*<br />
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Loves,<br />
<br />
Nicole<br />
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<img alt="Temple work is not an escape from the world but a reinforcing of our need to better the world while preparing ourselves for another and far better world. Thus, being in the Lord's house can help us to be different from the world in order to make more difference in the world. Neal A. Maxwell" height="400" src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/bd/d4/95/bdd4955e558777248be3db40e5f612f9.jpg" width="320" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3105553911417514939.post-67524196192125485632014-04-29T23:12:00.000-07:002014-04-29T23:12:18.558-07:00My faithHi all!<br />
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My blog has started to become more of me sharing my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. With everything that has been going on in my life, this is what I turn to. The gospel. My Heavenly Father. Without it, I have no idea how I would survive through the trials in my life. Having the gospel gives me peace, hope and faith for my future. I know that I am never alone. There are times when I feel like nobody understands the pain or ailments that I suffer from, but that is not true. There is one person who will ALWAYS understand our pains, sorrows, sadness, happiness, joys, etc. Jesus Christ. Our Savior. When we feel alone or like nobody understands, all we need to do is turn to Him. He truly knows how we feel and will help us if we just ask.<br />
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The last couple days I have been starting to feel a little better. I felt like I've been getting slightly more energized and am able to do a few more things. Although I'm not completely better, I know with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and I will keep progressing.<br />
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Simon has been out of town for work and it has definitely been hard not having him here. I'm so used to seeing him every night. However, I still have his brother here and miss Melissa who still stays with me every night. And I am so grateful for that. Tonight I had the great opportunity to go meet with my Branch President to get my temple recommend renewed and get things rolling so I can be sealed to Simon in the Salt Lake City Temple. YAY! While talking with the Branch President and going through the interview process, I felt so much peace and joy. Even though at the moment I was there I felt so sick, I didn't even care. I could feel the spirit so strongly and getting my recommend renewed made me think back to the very first recommend I had before I went through the temple the first time. It brought such joy to my heart. And this time it was even better because now it's to marry the man of my dreams. Before meeting with the President, I have been so concerned that because of my health I have not been able to attend church hardly at all the last 4 months, I was scared I wouldn't be able to get another recommend. During the interview and when the President asked me questions, I knew in my heart that it didn't matter if I couldn't go to church every single Sunday and partake in callings, go to all the meetings, etc. I knew it was okay because these are things that weren't in my control. That I physically wasn't able to go. The Lord knows my intentions and knows that if I was better, I'd be going to church all the time and fulfilling my duties in the gospel. The President told me he felt great about renewing my recommend and he knows I do as much as I can when I can. I felt so grateful. After we finished up, the President gave me a blessing. Because of the trials in my life and the hardships over the last few months, I know my faith has weakened a time or two or more. But for the first time in quite some time, I could feel that this blessing had different meaning that the others I'd been given. I felt the spirit so strongly and knew my Heavenly Father was there comforting me. I know my faith can always improve and tonight I just realized that no matter how rough life gets or how low we get, we can always overcome those things with Him.<br />
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I was told I needed to share my testimony every chance I got. So here I am, sharing my testimony to all of you. I guess that is why I felt inspired to write about these topics tonight. I want everyone to know that YOU are loved. You are never alone and you never have to go through anything in life alone. At times it seems like we are alone, but it doesn't have to be that way. And no matter how bad life gets, it's so important to stay positive and to always keep faith. Life is a beautiful gift we have all been given and it's up to us how to use that gift. I hope and pray for all of you who have struggles in life that you will overcome them and have faith. Have faith in yourself and have faith that it will get better.<br />
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Love to all,<br />
<br />
Nicole<br />
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(For those of you who are not familiar with my faith or who have other religions/beliefs, I welcome/invite you to still follow my blogs.) This is all my personal feelings and about my life.<br />
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