Finding Faith Through The Sorrow

Hi all! It's been a little while since I've last updated my blog. As you all know from my last post, things have been pretty crazy and stressful. I was so sick til about 9-10 weeks pregnant. I truly thought I wasn't going to make it. Again. This was by the far the worst I had ever felt. And during that time, all I could do was pray and pray. I needed comfort and guidance. Slowly, I started getting a little better and was able to get out of bed and do some things on my own. Thankfully, I didn't have morning sickness on top of everything else that was going on. And I am eternally grateful for that, because there was no way I could've done that with everything else.

Since then, I've still had some really rough days. Days where I'm in bed all day dealing with dumb Lyme issues. And the breakdowns continue. They don't occur as often anymore, but they definitely still happen. As hard as days get and as much as I may cry sometimes, I still rely on the Lord and my faith in Him. I don't think a day has gone by since I've gotten pregnant where I haven't prayed to Heavenly Father. And I've now just realized this while typing. In my mind, pregnancy was not something I was ready for physically. Of course emotionally and mentally that's all I wanted. I wanted to be normal and be able to conceive a child with my amazing husband. When it happened, I was in shock. And I think I still am some days. But I knew that the Lord knew what He was doing regardless of how much suffering I was and still am going through. That day I found out, I had prayed so hard for a miracle to get better because I didn't want to die. I told Him I was putting all my faith in Him and needed a miracle so badly. When that positive sign showed up on my test, I knew in my heart, this was a miracle. I literally just witnessed a miracle. I know I've mentioned that in my last post, but every time I talk about it, I just feel the Spirit so strongly and know that Heavenly Father knows each of us so well. He knows us better than we know ourselves and knows what we are capable of overcoming and withstanding in this world. Even if that means we have to climb insanely steep mountains, suffer tremendously, or go through moments of uncertainty. Which is everything I've gone through. He is there along side us the whole entire time, even when we feel alone. And sometimes we need to feel that small moment of being alone. Just like our Savior felt when he was being crucified. He felt alone too. Just like we do during difficult times.

Every single day is unpredictable. I wake up and try to be as positive as I can. I tell myself I feel good and have the strength and energy to get up today. I have to do this throughout the day to keep me going when I feel like I can't. I turn to Heavenly Father many times during the day. I am constantly praying and reading to seek comfort and guidance. There are still days I want to quit and give up, but every time I think about this miracle growing inside of me, I think, "How can I give up?" I have everything to be fighting for. Not only this miracle baby, but my amazing husband. My family. I know that one day there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I know this baby has been brought to us during this time for a reason. I know God has heard my prayers, even if it feels they haven't been answered. I know through the pain and sorrow there are blessings. I know my faith has constantly been tested over the last 2 years, and more now than ever, but I know there are big blessings in store. I have days where my faith has been at it's lowest, hanging by less than a thread, but I still keep praying and searching. I have everything to look forward to and have a wonderful family that will be started soon. I have to rely on Heavenly Father to make it through. Each day is a test of faith and will continue to be. It will also continue to strengthen me and shape me into the person that our Heavenly Father has sent me here to be.

I've been reading a lot about faith recently and the other day I came across an ensign article "A Time for Faith, Not Fear". I knew I had read it before, but felt so strongly that I needed to read it again. So I did. I was reading and then just started skimming through. Which is when I came across this - "Faith is a principle of action. The answers to prayer and the solutions to our problems generally come as we act, not while we are on our knees praying." Read that again. And just let that sink it. At first I thought, "How can I act when I am not physically able to do much at all??" "How is that fair?" Then it hit me... I've been sitting/lying here every day praying to Heavenly Father for answers and guidance. And I've been reading. I haven't really been "acting". I've kind of given up hope on Dr.'s, people, basically everything. I realized that I have to not only have faith in God, but I have to have faith in everyone and everything around me. I have to be proactive. I have to ACT. Whether this means do more research or reading or whatever, I have to keep acting and looking for the answers. They don't always come during a prayer. And That has disappointed me many times. It's left me feeling sad and impatient not knowing what to do. After reading this article I knew I had to do more and I can't expect an answer every single time I pray for one. I think we all get impatient at times and we want answers right then and there. We need to learn to trust, to have faith, to act. Facing the trials we do, builds faith and confidence. We grow more than we ever thought possible. And we learn to have faith in ourselves. Trusting God means trusting ourselves as well. Being a pregnant person with a chronic disease will not stop me, even on days when I feel like it will, because I have faith. And I know this experience will only continue to make me a better person and grow to become something more than I ever thought possible.

I hope each of you who read this will receive light and hope. I hope you will be inspired to ACT. Never give up because there is always one being on your side, God.


Love to all,

Nicole <3

Pregnancy, Lyme & Miracles

A lot of things have happened since my last post 3 months ago. Shortly after my last post, I got extremely sick. My husband had to go out of town for work so I was staying with my cousin for a couple nights, then she we were going to Idaho and she was going to drop me off at my moms. I was so sick. I couldn't sleep at night because every time I would doze off, I'd wake up immediately with my heart racing and pounding super hard. I had these horrible sensations in my head that I can't even explain very well. Almost like all the blood in my head dropped completely. Then I started getting a severe pain in the right side of my head. Typically I can find ways to help my headaches, migraines or whatever. But not this time. The pain was so sharp and I felt like I was being stabbed in the head over and over. I ended up back in the ER. They wanted to do a CT scan just to make sure there wasn't anything serious causing the pain. I didn't want any meds because I had already been in the ER not long before and I absolutely hate meds. Well they gave them to me anyways and I just had a really bad feeling before. Right after they gave me the meds, my body freaked out. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. My heart wouldn't stop racing, my body wouldn't stop shaking and moving, I couldn't breathe well and I just wanted to die. They said it was "normal"... Which it wasn't. I was so out of it the rest of the day/night. I couldn't eat anything because every time I tried, I'd start gagging and want to throw up. Anyways, my cousin's husband and neighbor gave me a blessing that night. The next day I woke up and was feeling somewhat better. My body still felt awful from the meds and it made me feel extremely anxious. I kept getting nauseous the whole way to my moms. I just kept praying in my head that I would be okay on the drive to Idaho and it would go by fast. Luckily I got to my moms without having any major issues. I figured I'd feel better after lying down and getting rest. Well, turns out I just kept getting worse. Every time I'd try to sleep, those awful feelings in my head would hit and my heart would go crazy. This would happen all night long and I'd wake up multiple times. I'd wake up super sick to my stomach each time as well. Each day just kept getting worse. I was so weak, I had no appetite, my head felt so horrible (and no, not just like a headache.. it's very hard to explain the feeling), my sister had to help me get up to go the bathroom, help change my clothes, etc. She helped me outside a couple days to try and get some fresh air and sunshine. It was either the second or third day she took me outside, I got very sick. As I stood up for her to help me back in the house, I knew something was very wrong. My heart was pounding so hard it was making it difficult to breathe. We got inside and I knew I had to go back to the hospital. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I hate that place more than anything and I dread having to go any time I do. My mom and sister helped me to the car and my mom drove as quick as she could. I was struggling to breathe still while my heart was freaking out and my stomach hurt so bad. My head was spinning and so many bad sensations were being felt again. We got to the hospital and I couldn't even get out of the car. They helped me into a wheelchair and got me right in. My body was shaking nonstop and I was trying so hard to control it with my mind and calm everything down, but nothing was working. We got in the room and I passed out. Over and over. I couldn't stay conscious for longer than a couple minutes at a time. They gave me an IV of fluids right away and started drawing blood. I told them I did not want any pain or nausea meds whatsoever. They listened to me and didn't make me have them. After finally being able to explain to them what was going on, the Dr. looked very concerned. My weight had dropped from 103 to 96 pounds just in those couple days. I was severely dehydrated from not being able to eat. They gave me 2-3 bags of fluid while they were running tests. My blood work was fine, except for my potassium being low, which always happens. After talking to the Dr. and telling him the stuff about my head, he said they'd like to do a scan. I didn't want to do another one so I told him I would pass. I was just so sick of being in hospitals, but I felt like I was truly going to die while at my moms so I just wanted to go home and lay down. He gave me a couple prescriptions to help me sleep in the mean time. After getting to my moms, I just laid back down. I asked my dad to come give me another blessing. I couldn't keep the tears back and I prayed so hard constantly to Heavenly Father to please help me get better and not let me die. This was the first time I truly felt like I was not going to make it. Out of all the times of being ill, this was by the worst time. My dad came and gave me a blessing that night. It was a very strong and powerful blessing. I was so grateful he was able to do that. The next day my mom was taking me back home to Utah and she was going to stay for a few days. Thankfully the next morning I woke up and I was feeling a little better. I was able to get up and my sister helped me get in the tub. Yes, as embarrassing as it sounds, my sister had to help me. She helped me get dressed and packed all my things for me and my mom and I headed out. Again, I prayed the whole way that I'd be okay on the trip and it would go by fast. The trip wasn't real great, but we made it back to my place without any problems. I was so glad to be back home, but I was still missing my husband like crazy. To shorten this up a bit, the next couple days were still extremely rough. I just laid there while my mom cleaned and cooked and kept me company. We got back on Saturday and come Monday, I had an appt. in Provo with a heart specialist. My cousin took me and my mom. It was a rough day and I just wanted to get back home. I was still having a hard time walking, my heart and head were still doing crazy things. On the way home I got a migraine. I ended up having to take a pain killer cause nothing else was working and it was really bad. We went to my cousins for a while then went back home. By the time we got home, my head started feeling better and all a sudden I was able to get up more and start cleaning before my husband got home. He got home later that day and I was SO happy to see him. I started crying. I slowly felt a little better each day, but then just stopped progressing again.

March 31st, I had an appt with a new Lyme Dr. in Provo. My husband and I went and I was so nervous. Immediately the Dr. told me everything that was going on was due to Lyme and co-infections. He said he can tell I've had Lyme since I was little and I definitely had congenital Lyme. However, he was very hopeful and was so so knowledgeable about everything. My husband and I left feeling more hopeful. Before the Dr. done a whole lot, I had to get about 40 vials of blood drawn. In the meantime, he gave me a load of prescriptions to take. They made me feel worse and worse. They made me feel like I was going crazy in the head too. I told my husband I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle those feelings and I couldn't function whatsoever. So I stopped taking everything except for an antibiotic.

Since then we have been to that dr a few times. As smart as he is and as good as we felt about him, unfortunately, like may other dr's, he was not helping. I had started doing better because I contacted a dr in Idaho who was able to send me some things to take. I started feeling much better. I was able to go to Mesquite for my husband and I's wedding anniversary. Although I still didn't feel real well, I was able to go so I was very grateful for that. The next couple of weeks I as still doing okay. I was able to get up and do things around the house. I was able to go to some places with my husband.. Like the grocery store. And it was really nice. Then comes Memorial weekend. Sunday I made it to sacrament, but I was just feeling really "off" you could say. I started getting dizzy off and on throughout the day and worse in the evening. My husband and I went to a couple cemeteries with his family that evening. I was still able to enjoy visiting and whatnot, but my head was feeling so weird. We got home and I just laid down. The next day we were supposed to go to another cemetery, then go to his parents to eat and help do house/yard work. I wasn't planning on doing much cause I was still pretty weak and a bit dizzy. Well I ended up doing a lot and just kept going. I hadn't done that much in a very long time. It felt good though. For a while. When it came time to go I knew I had done too much and was going to probably crash big time. We got home and just relaxed. Surprisingly enough, the next day I didn't feel too bad. Throughout the week I slowly started feeling worse though. Come Sunday morning, I woke up and felt really strange. I kept sweating and was super hot. Then I kept getting really dizzy again. I was trying to get ready for church and while standing in the bathroom, I knew I wasn't going to make it. I was all ready to go, but I had to lie down. Later that day I asked my husband to take me for a ride so I could get out of the house for a bit. On our way to his parents after our ride, I started feeling worse. We go to his parents and as soon as I stood up to get out of the car, my head began spinning like crazy. My ears started to get watery because I was just so sick of being sick. I didn't understand why I was doing a bit better, then this hit so hard all of a sudden. I had to lie down as soon as I got inside and couldn't move at all. Right after I ate dinner, I immediately got a horrible migraine. I was so confused. I haven't had migraines for quite some time and especially when I eat. I told Simon I needed to go home. And after that, it got worse every single day.

Each day that went on that week I became sicker. It got to the point where I couldn't get out of bed at all. My neck and head were in severe pain. I've never had migraines or pains like this in my life. I was extremely nauseous all day. I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom or anything. My husband had to stay home a couple times to be with me or take me to my chiropractor. I kept getting worse. A couple mornings I woke up and couldn't move. I felt paralyzed. My husband done everything he could to keep me hydrated and keep me functioning. He had to carry me to the bathroom and do everything for me. My head was so bad and every time I would try to sit up or get up, it felt as if someone was pushing my head down so hard. I couldn't function at all. This week had now been the worst of my life. One day I was in so much pain and so sick, I had cried and prayed to Heavenly Father over and over to please help me find answers. I begged Him to help me get through the day. At this point, I really didn't care if I lived or died. I told Him that if I wasn't going to make it, to please stop making me suffer and just take me. And if I was supposed to make it, that everything would be okay and I'd get better. I told Him I needed a miracle. I told Him I couldn't take living like this anymore. I just couldn't do it. I told Him that I was putting all of my faith and trust in Him and I was aligning my will with His. After I prayed, I just cried. I didn't understand anything that was going on. This truly was the worst I had felt out of everything. I so badly just wanted to not live anymore. I had suffered so much and I couldn't keep going on.

That same day, my husband was at work and he was having a horrible day. He got home and I was in tears from being so sick and feeling like I was dying, and I could tell he was upset too. He had been looking for jobs elsewhere and so far nothing felt "right". He talked to me and comforted me like he always does. I told him everything I had been feeling that day and I just couldn't do this anymore. He said that i couldn't give up and that we would make it through. That evening, he ran to the store to grab a few things and also grabbed a couple pregnancy tests, because I was almost a week late. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but we just wanted to make sure in case I needed to take medicine. I didn't want to take one, but my cousin kept telling me I should. (We talk almost everyday and she had been texting me that whole day). My husband said I could take it if I wanted, but it was up to me. I wasn't going to at all. Then I decided to say a quick prayer again. I asked Heavenly for help again. I didn't know what to do to feel better. As soon as I finished, I heard "Take the pregnancy test and then you'll know what to do". I was like, okay that's weird... So after dinner my husband helped me to the bathroom and I decided to take it. As soon as I went to put the lid on the test, a bright blue line popped up. I had to do like a triple take, because I didn't believe it. I hollered at my husband and he came running in the bathroom. I told him we were pregnant. He didn't believe me. I showed him the test and said, "well we are!" We looked at each other and started crying. This was something we were not expecting whatsoever and as soon as I saw that test, I knew in my heart that God heard my prayers and this was a miracle. My husband and I did not know we would ever be able to have children due to all the health problems I've had. So I knew this was a miracle. I felt so much gratitude in my heart for this baby. My husband and I thought for sure that maybe this is why I had been so sick.

I had to stop all my treatments for Lyme Disease as soon as we found out. Since then, it's been hell to say the least. I am so so grateful this miracle baby is growing inside of me, but the Lyme has gone out of control and I'm sicker than ever. Thankfully, I have not had morning sickness (throwing up), but I've had everything else. I am in bed every single day. I've become very weak, I've lost pretty much all my muscle, even what little muscle I had before, I've had some major neurological problems, and so on. I've been praying SO hard every single day to find help for me. I've lost a lot of function of the left side of my brain so that's been a real struggle. I can't do hardly anything. I have severe dizziness 24/7, everything is constantly moving, my body shakes all the time, I have inside tremors/vibrations, heart issues, breathing issues, and so on. My husband and I have been pretty private about everything that has been going on. But we are no longer doing that. Over the last couple weeks, a dear friend of mine told me about this incredible center in Kansas that treat Lyme all the time and have a lot of success. I wasn't sure at first because I've seen way too may dr's and we've wasted thousands of dollars. She promised me this one was different than all the rest and she told me to just read their website and watch their videos. So the other night my husband and I did. During the video, I started to cry. I knew in my heart I needed to go there. I felt the spirit so strongly and I couldn't deny it. I told my husband as soon as the video ended that was the place for me. I knew this place would help me. In the meantime, I had another friend who had actually been going to this exact center and I didn't even know! She told me it's been amazing and a huge answer to her prayers. The more I read and researched them, the more I wanted to go. I called the next day and spoke with one of the staff members. I was shocked by how kind they were. The lady was so sweet and so caring about everything. I asked her if they treated pregnant women and she said they did! My hear stated racing. I knew this was an answer to my prayers! She gave me all the information and paper work to fill out. After all this, I told my husband that I HAVE to go here. I feel so strongly about this place and every time I think about going, I feel hope. I haven't felt like this about any place ever.

So, this brings me to asking for help. I have to get better so I can live somewhat normally, so I can take care of this sweet baby growing inside of me, and so I can be "human" again. I know in my heart that I have to go to Kansas to get treated, however, my husband and I cannot afford it. We are trying everything we can to get me there. My amazing sister has set up a Go Fund Me account to help get donations. We are trying to spread the word as much as possible so I can get to Kansas within the next 3 months hopefully. I know this place will help me and the Spirit has led me to this place. I'm so grateful for those who have shared and donated thus far. But we can't stop sharing until we reach our goal. I can't wait much longer to get treated. I will keep getting worse if I do. And I can't, because I have a miracle growing inside of me and I have to keep fighting to make this happen so I can be healthy again and be the mom and wife I've strongly desired to be. I pray that each of you will read this and donate if possible. If you cannot, at least please share it and spread the word like crazy. I know you will be blessed for it. I've never ever in my life wanted to ask for help like this, but now, I have no choice. It's been very humbling for me to allow others to help me. I'ts been very difficult to swallow my pride and admit that we need help. I know miracles happen every day. I know God hears our prayers even when we don't think He does and I know He has led me to this center for treatments. Please, please help if you can. Even if it's just $5. Everything helps! I hope and pray for those who are suffering from illnesses will continue to have hope and to never give up. Some days that's all we want to do, but keep fighting because one day, it will turn around and you will be able to overcome your trials. Below is the link for my Go Fund Me account. Please click to donate and/or share! I'd be forever grateful. Love to you all. <3

Nicole

http://www.gofundme.com/zcrpv8

When Giving Up Seems Like Our Only Option

I haven't been posting recently and have been way behind. Sometimes when you are super ill, blogging is the last thing on your mind. As most of you know, I was doing the "I Love My Body Diet". I haven't posted the rest of it on here yet I haven't decided whether or not I will. However, I recommend everyone doing it. It's an incredible journey and always you to really learn to love yourself.

I've been wanting to do a post lately, but couldn't decide where to start or if there was something specifically I've been wanting to say. I've been really sick this year.. It's definitely taking a huge toll on me. I know most people get sick of hearing that, but those who aren't dealing with a chronic illness, really have no idea what it is like.

I have decided that I want to share more awareness of Lyme Disease. I've learned so much during my life and I see how many people suffer from it. I see how much hurt and pain there is. I've met and talked with so many people who are suffering from this debilitating disease. It breaks my heart. I try to be strong and be good support for those who need it, but the truth is, it's HARD. When I can barely focus myself, or keep my thoughts in line, or barely move or do things myself, it is SO difficult to help lift others. It gets more exhausting all the time. But, I will never stop. I will never stop giving hope to everyone who is suffering. I will keep fighting and keep pushing others to fight. I will continue to be there for others, to help them through their troubles, to give them light and hope.

The last couple weeks have been really difficult. I've been in bed and have had a lot of time to pray, to seek for answers, to figure out what the next step is, to decide if it's worth fighting for my life or time to give up. In all honesty, giving up is what crossed my mind more than anything. There is only so much a person can handle in life. And I feel like I've reached my maximum level of trials and hardships. My faith has been pushed to the very edge. I'm hanging on by a fine thread of hope.

Day in and day out, I lay in bed. I tell myself it will be okay. I try to get up and do things and I fail. My body doesn't allow me to do what I want right now. Walking is difficult. It feels as if the floor/ground is constantly moving when I walk. It makes me extremely dizzy. Everything around me moves. When in real life, everything is standing still. My ears ring nonstop and I lose hearing. My mind goes crazy. My heart's growing weaker. My strength lessens each day I'm in bed. Some days, just trying to breathe normally is a difficult task. And on top of all of this, we just found out I have a cyst on my left over. They call it a haemorrhagic cyst. Which  means it's full of blood. I've been getting huge cysts for a while now, but they've been rupturing on their own. This one however, started out as the size of a golf ball, and as of this week, it is growing rapidly. I was in the ER the other day, because I was in severe pain. That's when I found out about the cyst growing and being full of blood. The Dr. told me to see a gyno right away. So on Monday, that's where I'm heading. Then we'll decide from there if surgery is what's needed or something else.

To some of you, this may seem like nothing. But when you're already dealing with serious illnesses, everything is intensified. I have cried many tears this week because the cyst has caused tremendous amounts of pain, causes my stomach to swell and feel super tight, and makes me sick to my stomach. I started thinking, "What am I doing wrong???" "What am I supposed to learn from all of this??" "How much more can my body take??"

All these questions going through my mind.. When in reality, I just want to quit; to give up. I don't want to do go through this anymore. Then today, it hit me... After many blessings, prayers, tears, breakdowns and pleadings to the Lord to help me.. I think I've realized more things that I didn't before. I've always known that everything happens for a reason, that our trials strengthen us, they makes us stronger in many ways and they build our testimonies of God. Well today, as I was laying here in bed, I prayed. I cried my eyes out. I begged for some relief and a some strength to go throughout this day. After my prayer, I searched talks from LDS General Conferences. I came across one called, "The Power to Heal from Within" by Merrill J. Bateman. I was immediately attracted to the title so I decided to read it.

I won't share the whole talk, but I will share some words that captured me. At one point, Merrill talks about what death teaches us and talks about the atonement.  He says, "Through Christ, broken hearts are mended and peace replaces anxiety and sorrow." Then mentions this scripture...

"As Isaiah stated concerning the Savior, “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our
sorrows: … And with his stripes we are healed” (Isa. 53:4–5)."

Merrill goes on to discus when the prophet Alma also spoke of Christ's healing powers. Alma stated that he would go forth "suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of eery kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people... And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, ... that he may know according the the flesh how to succor his people" (Alma 7:11-12). Whatever the source of the pain, Jesus understands and can heal the spirit as well as the body.   

These words alone opened my eyes once again. These trials are hard. Being ill is extremely difficult. Times get so rough and giving up sometimes feels like that's all that is left. I am here to tell you, it is not. It's okay to have bad days, to cry, to breakdown, to feel undefeated... But we must never give up. Jesus truly knows what we are going through. He suffered SO much just so he could know and feel our deepest feelings, our deepest thoughts, our deepest troubles. HE KNOWS. We are never alone in our journey's, even though at times that is all we feel. I'm here to testify to every single one of you that He lives. Heavenly Father has created a divine plan for each of us. Although sometimes those plans aren't what we have in mind, they are for a purpose. They are to define us, strengthen us and prepare us. Prepare us for something so extraordinary that we don't even comprehend it right now. We are being prepared to go back to Him, to meet our Creator. And once that happens, nothing else will matter. We must take this time to really focus on what we came here to learn, serve others when we can, and draw ourselves closer to Him each and every day.

I know I will still have hard days ahead of me, but I know I can be healed. I know that through God, all things are possible. This may not mean being completely physically healed in this lifetime, but I can be healed in many other ways and I know He is by my side the whole way. Keep pushing through the hard times, keep praying and asking for answers. They will come when it is time. <3

Nicole

Day 11: Cast Away Shame

Hi all! Thanks everyone for your support in this journey. Day 11 is about casting away shame, which is something I think everyone deals with! Shame is something that we cannot hold on to, even though we do. Whatever reasons we may be carrying shame with us, can be done away with. Let go of shame. Don't let past/old emotions control you. We can't move forward by being stuck in the past. 

~Nicole 

Day 8: Things you love about YOU - Day 9: The Present - Day 10: Listen to your food and BLESS it

I have been so behind on my blogging lately! So I am trying to get everything caught up. Life has been so crazy lately and I've not been doing well. Being able to do these videos definitely helps me so much. I'm so grateful for #ilovemybodydiet even if I keep getting super behind on it ;) I hope these videos help others as well. 

Make a list of things you love about you! Do it every day if you have to - #learntoloveyourself

Day 8:

Day 9:  Live in the NOW. Stop focusing and living in the past. Stop being so anxious about the future. Let it go. Focus on living each day at a time. 

Day 10: Learn to love food. Listen to what food is saying to you. Bless it <3

Day 7: Ask For Hugs

AH - I immediately froze when I read this exercise. I don't go anywhere or see anyone except my sweet husband. I've been too sick to just go out and do whatever. I'm usually alone all day everyday. So this exercise made me feel like I already failed. I took a moment to think about what I could do to still make it so I could participate in this exercise today - Then it came to me.. And my results were amazing - Such a great experience for me to have today <3 <3

Hug everyone!! #huggingheals

~Nicole

Day 6: Feel Your Body

Day 6 is a shorter video, finally ;) A good exercise to take my mind out of this world for a minute and just breathe. No matter how hard life gets, take time to relax. Forget what's going on. Close your eyes and dream.

~Nicole