Pregnancy, Lyme & Miracles

A lot of things have happened since my last post 3 months ago. Shortly after my last post, I got extremely sick. My husband had to go out of town for work so I was staying with my cousin for a couple nights, then she we were going to Idaho and she was going to drop me off at my moms. I was so sick. I couldn't sleep at night because every time I would doze off, I'd wake up immediately with my heart racing and pounding super hard. I had these horrible sensations in my head that I can't even explain very well. Almost like all the blood in my head dropped completely. Then I started getting a severe pain in the right side of my head. Typically I can find ways to help my headaches, migraines or whatever. But not this time. The pain was so sharp and I felt like I was being stabbed in the head over and over. I ended up back in the ER. They wanted to do a CT scan just to make sure there wasn't anything serious causing the pain. I didn't want any meds because I had already been in the ER not long before and I absolutely hate meds. Well they gave them to me anyways and I just had a really bad feeling before. Right after they gave me the meds, my body freaked out. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. My heart wouldn't stop racing, my body wouldn't stop shaking and moving, I couldn't breathe well and I just wanted to die. They said it was "normal"... Which it wasn't. I was so out of it the rest of the day/night. I couldn't eat anything because every time I tried, I'd start gagging and want to throw up. Anyways, my cousin's husband and neighbor gave me a blessing that night. The next day I woke up and was feeling somewhat better. My body still felt awful from the meds and it made me feel extremely anxious. I kept getting nauseous the whole way to my moms. I just kept praying in my head that I would be okay on the drive to Idaho and it would go by fast. Luckily I got to my moms without having any major issues. I figured I'd feel better after lying down and getting rest. Well, turns out I just kept getting worse. Every time I'd try to sleep, those awful feelings in my head would hit and my heart would go crazy. This would happen all night long and I'd wake up multiple times. I'd wake up super sick to my stomach each time as well. Each day just kept getting worse. I was so weak, I had no appetite, my head felt so horrible (and no, not just like a headache.. it's very hard to explain the feeling), my sister had to help me get up to go the bathroom, help change my clothes, etc. She helped me outside a couple days to try and get some fresh air and sunshine. It was either the second or third day she took me outside, I got very sick. As I stood up for her to help me back in the house, I knew something was very wrong. My heart was pounding so hard it was making it difficult to breathe. We got inside and I knew I had to go back to the hospital. This was the last thing I wanted to do. I hate that place more than anything and I dread having to go any time I do. My mom and sister helped me to the car and my mom drove as quick as she could. I was struggling to breathe still while my heart was freaking out and my stomach hurt so bad. My head was spinning and so many bad sensations were being felt again. We got to the hospital and I couldn't even get out of the car. They helped me into a wheelchair and got me right in. My body was shaking nonstop and I was trying so hard to control it with my mind and calm everything down, but nothing was working. We got in the room and I passed out. Over and over. I couldn't stay conscious for longer than a couple minutes at a time. They gave me an IV of fluids right away and started drawing blood. I told them I did not want any pain or nausea meds whatsoever. They listened to me and didn't make me have them. After finally being able to explain to them what was going on, the Dr. looked very concerned. My weight had dropped from 103 to 96 pounds just in those couple days. I was severely dehydrated from not being able to eat. They gave me 2-3 bags of fluid while they were running tests. My blood work was fine, except for my potassium being low, which always happens. After talking to the Dr. and telling him the stuff about my head, he said they'd like to do a scan. I didn't want to do another one so I told him I would pass. I was just so sick of being in hospitals, but I felt like I was truly going to die while at my moms so I just wanted to go home and lay down. He gave me a couple prescriptions to help me sleep in the mean time. After getting to my moms, I just laid back down. I asked my dad to come give me another blessing. I couldn't keep the tears back and I prayed so hard constantly to Heavenly Father to please help me get better and not let me die. This was the first time I truly felt like I was not going to make it. Out of all the times of being ill, this was by the worst time. My dad came and gave me a blessing that night. It was a very strong and powerful blessing. I was so grateful he was able to do that. The next day my mom was taking me back home to Utah and she was going to stay for a few days. Thankfully the next morning I woke up and I was feeling a little better. I was able to get up and my sister helped me get in the tub. Yes, as embarrassing as it sounds, my sister had to help me. She helped me get dressed and packed all my things for me and my mom and I headed out. Again, I prayed the whole way that I'd be okay on the trip and it would go by fast. The trip wasn't real great, but we made it back to my place without any problems. I was so glad to be back home, but I was still missing my husband like crazy. To shorten this up a bit, the next couple days were still extremely rough. I just laid there while my mom cleaned and cooked and kept me company. We got back on Saturday and come Monday, I had an appt. in Provo with a heart specialist. My cousin took me and my mom. It was a rough day and I just wanted to get back home. I was still having a hard time walking, my heart and head were still doing crazy things. On the way home I got a migraine. I ended up having to take a pain killer cause nothing else was working and it was really bad. We went to my cousins for a while then went back home. By the time we got home, my head started feeling better and all a sudden I was able to get up more and start cleaning before my husband got home. He got home later that day and I was SO happy to see him. I started crying. I slowly felt a little better each day, but then just stopped progressing again.

March 31st, I had an appt with a new Lyme Dr. in Provo. My husband and I went and I was so nervous. Immediately the Dr. told me everything that was going on was due to Lyme and co-infections. He said he can tell I've had Lyme since I was little and I definitely had congenital Lyme. However, he was very hopeful and was so so knowledgeable about everything. My husband and I left feeling more hopeful. Before the Dr. done a whole lot, I had to get about 40 vials of blood drawn. In the meantime, he gave me a load of prescriptions to take. They made me feel worse and worse. They made me feel like I was going crazy in the head too. I told my husband I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle those feelings and I couldn't function whatsoever. So I stopped taking everything except for an antibiotic.

Since then we have been to that dr a few times. As smart as he is and as good as we felt about him, unfortunately, like may other dr's, he was not helping. I had started doing better because I contacted a dr in Idaho who was able to send me some things to take. I started feeling much better. I was able to go to Mesquite for my husband and I's wedding anniversary. Although I still didn't feel real well, I was able to go so I was very grateful for that. The next couple of weeks I as still doing okay. I was able to get up and do things around the house. I was able to go to some places with my husband.. Like the grocery store. And it was really nice. Then comes Memorial weekend. Sunday I made it to sacrament, but I was just feeling really "off" you could say. I started getting dizzy off and on throughout the day and worse in the evening. My husband and I went to a couple cemeteries with his family that evening. I was still able to enjoy visiting and whatnot, but my head was feeling so weird. We got home and I just laid down. The next day we were supposed to go to another cemetery, then go to his parents to eat and help do house/yard work. I wasn't planning on doing much cause I was still pretty weak and a bit dizzy. Well I ended up doing a lot and just kept going. I hadn't done that much in a very long time. It felt good though. For a while. When it came time to go I knew I had done too much and was going to probably crash big time. We got home and just relaxed. Surprisingly enough, the next day I didn't feel too bad. Throughout the week I slowly started feeling worse though. Come Sunday morning, I woke up and felt really strange. I kept sweating and was super hot. Then I kept getting really dizzy again. I was trying to get ready for church and while standing in the bathroom, I knew I wasn't going to make it. I was all ready to go, but I had to lie down. Later that day I asked my husband to take me for a ride so I could get out of the house for a bit. On our way to his parents after our ride, I started feeling worse. We go to his parents and as soon as I stood up to get out of the car, my head began spinning like crazy. My ears started to get watery because I was just so sick of being sick. I didn't understand why I was doing a bit better, then this hit so hard all of a sudden. I had to lie down as soon as I got inside and couldn't move at all. Right after I ate dinner, I immediately got a horrible migraine. I was so confused. I haven't had migraines for quite some time and especially when I eat. I told Simon I needed to go home. And after that, it got worse every single day.

Each day that went on that week I became sicker. It got to the point where I couldn't get out of bed at all. My neck and head were in severe pain. I've never had migraines or pains like this in my life. I was extremely nauseous all day. I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom or anything. My husband had to stay home a couple times to be with me or take me to my chiropractor. I kept getting worse. A couple mornings I woke up and couldn't move. I felt paralyzed. My husband done everything he could to keep me hydrated and keep me functioning. He had to carry me to the bathroom and do everything for me. My head was so bad and every time I would try to sit up or get up, it felt as if someone was pushing my head down so hard. I couldn't function at all. This week had now been the worst of my life. One day I was in so much pain and so sick, I had cried and prayed to Heavenly Father over and over to please help me find answers. I begged Him to help me get through the day. At this point, I really didn't care if I lived or died. I told Him that if I wasn't going to make it, to please stop making me suffer and just take me. And if I was supposed to make it, that everything would be okay and I'd get better. I told Him I needed a miracle. I told Him I couldn't take living like this anymore. I just couldn't do it. I told Him that I was putting all of my faith and trust in Him and I was aligning my will with His. After I prayed, I just cried. I didn't understand anything that was going on. This truly was the worst I had felt out of everything. I so badly just wanted to not live anymore. I had suffered so much and I couldn't keep going on.

That same day, my husband was at work and he was having a horrible day. He got home and I was in tears from being so sick and feeling like I was dying, and I could tell he was upset too. He had been looking for jobs elsewhere and so far nothing felt "right". He talked to me and comforted me like he always does. I told him everything I had been feeling that day and I just couldn't do this anymore. He said that i couldn't give up and that we would make it through. That evening, he ran to the store to grab a few things and also grabbed a couple pregnancy tests, because I was almost a week late. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but we just wanted to make sure in case I needed to take medicine. I didn't want to take one, but my cousin kept telling me I should. (We talk almost everyday and she had been texting me that whole day). My husband said I could take it if I wanted, but it was up to me. I wasn't going to at all. Then I decided to say a quick prayer again. I asked Heavenly for help again. I didn't know what to do to feel better. As soon as I finished, I heard "Take the pregnancy test and then you'll know what to do". I was like, okay that's weird... So after dinner my husband helped me to the bathroom and I decided to take it. As soon as I went to put the lid on the test, a bright blue line popped up. I had to do like a triple take, because I didn't believe it. I hollered at my husband and he came running in the bathroom. I told him we were pregnant. He didn't believe me. I showed him the test and said, "well we are!" We looked at each other and started crying. This was something we were not expecting whatsoever and as soon as I saw that test, I knew in my heart that God heard my prayers and this was a miracle. My husband and I did not know we would ever be able to have children due to all the health problems I've had. So I knew this was a miracle. I felt so much gratitude in my heart for this baby. My husband and I thought for sure that maybe this is why I had been so sick.

I had to stop all my treatments for Lyme Disease as soon as we found out. Since then, it's been hell to say the least. I am so so grateful this miracle baby is growing inside of me, but the Lyme has gone out of control and I'm sicker than ever. Thankfully, I have not had morning sickness (throwing up), but I've had everything else. I am in bed every single day. I've become very weak, I've lost pretty much all my muscle, even what little muscle I had before, I've had some major neurological problems, and so on. I've been praying SO hard every single day to find help for me. I've lost a lot of function of the left side of my brain so that's been a real struggle. I can't do hardly anything. I have severe dizziness 24/7, everything is constantly moving, my body shakes all the time, I have inside tremors/vibrations, heart issues, breathing issues, and so on. My husband and I have been pretty private about everything that has been going on. But we are no longer doing that. Over the last couple weeks, a dear friend of mine told me about this incredible center in Kansas that treat Lyme all the time and have a lot of success. I wasn't sure at first because I've seen way too may dr's and we've wasted thousands of dollars. She promised me this one was different than all the rest and she told me to just read their website and watch their videos. So the other night my husband and I did. During the video, I started to cry. I knew in my heart I needed to go there. I felt the spirit so strongly and I couldn't deny it. I told my husband as soon as the video ended that was the place for me. I knew this place would help me. In the meantime, I had another friend who had actually been going to this exact center and I didn't even know! She told me it's been amazing and a huge answer to her prayers. The more I read and researched them, the more I wanted to go. I called the next day and spoke with one of the staff members. I was shocked by how kind they were. The lady was so sweet and so caring about everything. I asked her if they treated pregnant women and she said they did! My hear stated racing. I knew this was an answer to my prayers! She gave me all the information and paper work to fill out. After all this, I told my husband that I HAVE to go here. I feel so strongly about this place and every time I think about going, I feel hope. I haven't felt like this about any place ever.

So, this brings me to asking for help. I have to get better so I can live somewhat normally, so I can take care of this sweet baby growing inside of me, and so I can be "human" again. I know in my heart that I have to go to Kansas to get treated, however, my husband and I cannot afford it. We are trying everything we can to get me there. My amazing sister has set up a Go Fund Me account to help get donations. We are trying to spread the word as much as possible so I can get to Kansas within the next 3 months hopefully. I know this place will help me and the Spirit has led me to this place. I'm so grateful for those who have shared and donated thus far. But we can't stop sharing until we reach our goal. I can't wait much longer to get treated. I will keep getting worse if I do. And I can't, because I have a miracle growing inside of me and I have to keep fighting to make this happen so I can be healthy again and be the mom and wife I've strongly desired to be. I pray that each of you will read this and donate if possible. If you cannot, at least please share it and spread the word like crazy. I know you will be blessed for it. I've never ever in my life wanted to ask for help like this, but now, I have no choice. It's been very humbling for me to allow others to help me. I'ts been very difficult to swallow my pride and admit that we need help. I know miracles happen every day. I know God hears our prayers even when we don't think He does and I know He has led me to this center for treatments. Please, please help if you can. Even if it's just $5. Everything helps! I hope and pray for those who are suffering from illnesses will continue to have hope and to never give up. Some days that's all we want to do, but keep fighting because one day, it will turn around and you will be able to overcome your trials. Below is the link for my Go Fund Me account. Please click to donate and/or share! I'd be forever grateful. Love to you all. <3

Nicole

http://www.gofundme.com/zcrpv8