Lyme Disease: Why we can never ever give up

Getting the motivation to write in my blog lately has been rough. I kept feeling like I needed to write in it tonight, but I was fighting it. And here I am, lying in bed with so many things on my mind. Trying to figure out what the heck went wrong in the last few weeks. All of the things that were happening and I was starting to do better in quite a few areas, then bam. Crashed and took 10 steps back. 

As most of you know, a few weeks ago I had made some huge progress. Until about 9ish days ago. On the 15th, my husband flew to Germany for work. My mom came and got me so I could stay with her for the week and go see one of my favorite Dr.'s in Idaho. I hadn't been feeling well at all. My stomach was causing major problems. I was feeling super weak again. All these things kept happening and I knew I was going to crash hard. I got to my moms Thursday evening. Come Sunday morning I woke up and could barely walk to the bathroom. My heart was racing fast and pounding hard. While I was in the bathroom, I prayed. I prayed to be guided in what to do. I truly hate hospitals and didn't want to go. But I felt so sick. As soon as I finished praying, I heard a faint whisper if you will, that said "If you trust me, go to the hospital". I couldn't deny what I was told. I came out of the bathroom and told my mom we needed to go. I had really been struggling the last few days so she knew exactly what I meant. We got our things together and headed to the ER. 

It didn't take long before they got us in. My stomach pain had been so bad and I was so weak. Any time my  heart feels "different", I know it's nothing to be messed with. At this point, I was just ready to lay there and get fluid in me asap. After explaining everything to the nurse, she went and spoke with the Dr. He then came in and immediately, I felt so much peace. Regardless of how much pain and sickness I felt, I knew I was told to come to the hospital for a reason. The nurse and Dr. were so kind. Some of the kindest staff I've ever had to deal with. They immediately started me on anti nausea meds and pain meds. I asked them to only do half of what they were going to 'cause I hate how drugs make me feel. She said that wasn't a problem at all and if I ended up needing more, just let them know. 

I could feel the meds slightly, but not like I normally would. After I finished talking to the Dr., he stepped out and the lab came to draw my blood. The nurse gave me one more med to "reduce acid". Not two seconds after it was injected in me, my stomach pains got 20 times worse. I could hardly breathe. It killed to move. I told my nurse and she immediately gave me the rest of my pain meds. She went to talk with the Dr. and  by the time she got back, the pain hadn't subsided one bit. They ended up giving me MORE pain meds, which at the time, I was in so much pain I didn't even care anymore. It took some time before I felt the pain disappearing, but after a while, it finally got better and I wasn't crying anymore. So that was great :) 

They done all kinds of tests, scans, etc. and then the Dr. came back in my room and talked to me for a while. We discussed Lyme Disease and all the other issues I have with it. He was so caring and understanding. (This hardly EVER happens, just so you all know.) He told me he was going to admit me to the hospital because they wanted to do some more extensive testing and just keep an eye on me overnight. They also wanted to keep fluids in my because I was so dehydrated. (Yes people, I drink plenty of water. All the time. But for some reason, my body doesn't like to stay hydrated.) 

Finally I got up to my room and they gave me more meds. And to be honest, I can't quite tell you what went on from there. All I know is more tests were done and lots of fluids were given. After I was released the following afternoon, my mom and I grabbed some food and headed back to her place. Right after I ate, I got sick. And that continued for the rest of the day. I was still pretty out of it so the next few days were blurry. I woke up one morning, and could hardly breathe. My chest was so heavy and when I tried to get up, it just felt like someone kept trying to push me down. I thought, "Seriously? Why?" I was so irritated that it was constantly one thing after another. I think it was that same day that my mom took me to my Dr. appointment. Where later that day I found I had H Pylori, a bunch of parasites, issues with my liver, etc. On a positive note, the Lyme was NOT showing up. This obviously excited me. However, that didn't mean it was gone. But still gave me hope. My numbers for Epstein Barr Virus were still super high. I was told I needed to be tested for the MTHFR Gene Mutation. I was told that infertility could also be an issue. Also, I was told to have my apartment checked for mold asap because there were things showing up in my body that could be caused my mold in my place. Oh, and not to mention, going to Mexico to get treated  may be my best option. Sounds exciting right? ;) Even though I wasn't healed and my tests clearly showed some major issues still, I still felt hopeful. 

Skipping through the rest and fast forwarding to my mom bringing me back to Utah. I came home the same evening as my husband. My mom left shortly before he got home. I was so excited to see him. It made everything else go away for a short moment. That always happens when he comes home. I feel safe and feel like everything will be okay. He brings me such peace and I am so grateful for that. And it felt good to be home. Even though we have mold here ha. 

So since I have been back home.. Which has been about a week now... I have felt miserable. Well, mostly. Sunday I woke up and felt like I was dying. I can't describe what my body felt like, but it was almost unbearable. I stayed in my bed almost the whole day. I felt so angry and so bitter. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and throw things. I couldn't remember the last time I had all these horrible feelings inside of me. I was so aggravated. I felt so mad. I kept thinking over and over in my head that I cannot go on like this anymore. I couldn't take it. My emotions were all over the place that day and so were my thoughts. I couldn't think clearly whatsoever. All I knew is that I needed to pray. I needed to try to calm myself and to have the strength to do so. But these other feelings of anger and hatred were becoming so overbearing that I couldn't shake them. I couldn't stop crying. I just needed to let it all out. So I did. Alone in my room. On my bed. Tears flooded my pillow and I didn't care. I couldn't stop and I knew it needed to be "released".  

Later that day my husband came in our room and we talked for a while. It gave me comfort and I started feeling less angry with everything. I asked him for a blessing because I knew at this point, it was my only hope. The second he laid his hands upon my head, I could feel it. I could feel the peace and comfort going throughout my body. Even though my mind was not clear or in the right place, my blessing made it possible for me to remember the words which were said. The hope that was given. And the spirit that was felt. Shortly after my blessing, my head started feeling better. The sickness I could feel in my head was slowly fading. I knew getting a blessing that night was what I needed most. 

Yes.. I'm telling you all of this because I want you all to know that it can and it will be hell when dealing with diseases or other illnesses. It isn't pretty. It isn't funny. And it doesn't always bring out the best in you. However, you cannot give up. It's okay to have breakdowns, to scream, to cry, to feel angry. It's okay to be upset. We need to express our emotions and we need to let it out. Obviously in a safe way. But we can't hold in everything we feel. When we feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel, think again. Because I know for me, every other time I have felt that I cannot go on any longer, my eyes were opened and hope was revealed. There are moments where you think you can't keep going. That it will never end. That people will never understand what you are going through.. But that is where we are wrong. It will end. One day it will all end. And there is ALWAYS one person who completely understands what we are going through. HIM. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows every thought we have, every ounce of pain we feel, every tear we shed. He is our comforter. He guides us, if we listen. No matter what we are going through, we have someone to turn to, to lean on, to trust. We must have faith in all things. Times will occur where our faith and patience will be tried. Tried so hard that we will want to give up, stop believing, stop hoping. But we can't. Because if we do, we won't grow. We won't become stronger. We won't be molded into the perfect humans that we were brought here to be molded into. We won't become more loving, have more compassion and be more humbled. 

We cannot give up. With the Lord on our side, we can do all things. We must align our will with God's. And have the faith that it will all work out. I know I still struggle at times and feel like all hope is lost, but I will never give up and never stop fighting to become healed. I truly believe all things can be done through Him. And I can be healed. And so can each of you. When you feel all alone and no one in the entire world can understand you or feel what you are going through, He can. Always remember that and you'll never lose. 

Healing Lyme With The Mind: {Why loving ourselves can heal us}

Since my last post, things have changed. I feel like I am starting to become more aware of the person I used to be. Things are becoming more clear. My intuition feels like it is starting to open back up.

As crazy as this sounds to some people, it's not crazy to me. We CAN heal ourselves with our minds. No matter what anybody says. Our thoughts are so powerful. The things we think and say about ourselves, is what becomes of ourselves. If we are constantly having negative thoughts, you will live a negative life. You will NOT have pure happiness, joy, peace, etc. And why do we do this to ourselves? What in the heck is the point? Why do we criticize ourselves so much to the point we become bitter, angry and sick? We constantly complain about our struggles in life, our failures, how we are too fat, too thin, too ugly. We constantly tear ourselves apart. Day after day. We do this so much we eventually start to believe it. Then our bodies start to believe it, and that's what happens. It's called the "Law of Attraction". What we put out there, is what we get back. Ten fold. For example, the more we think how "fat" we are and that we can't lose weight, the more and more we believe it and guess what? We gain weight. We struggle with losing weight. Same thing goes if we are "sick". The more we FOCUS and put our energy on the thoughts that we are sick, afflicted, in pain, miserable, etc, the more this will occur. We tell ourselves, "Ugh. Today will be a bad day". Guess what? You're right. It will be a bad day. And YOU created it.

You may ask what this has to do with me having Lyme Disease - Well, essentially it has a lot to do with it. I got Lyme when I was 6. How? I have no clue. Why? Maybe to help me strengthen my faith, my patience, learn from my trials, gain more knowledge and help others. And that's exactly what my goal is - to help others. To be a tool for the Lord. A messenger. And through my journey, nothing has been more powerful in healing than having my God in my life. Growing closer to Him, has helped me learn so many things about myself and alternative ways to healing. Other than just going to doctor after doctor. I have been so blessed to have been introduced to these alternatives throughout the last few years. And one of them, is energy work. Which was partly why I became a Foot Zoner :) After having wonderful experiences and praying about this, I knew I needed in my life. For me. And for others.

All of this comes together at one point. Some of you still may be confused as to what I am talking about. Eventually I will come to explain everything through my posts. As for this post, this is about healing Lyme with the mind. After getting back from Cabo, I wanted to do better. I wanted to try anything I could do to feel "good" even if I really didn't. When my husband and I returned home, I started a new "treatment" you could say. A couple of them. Because of my blog, a lady contacted me and told me she was sure she had something that could help me. She wanted to call me as soon as she could to discuss it with me. My first thought was, "That is really cool. But I'm sure it's just like everything I have tried". But what I didn't realize at the moment, was that I had been praying really hard about what else to do for the Lyme and this could be an answer to my prayers. When she wanted to talk to both my husband and I, I will admit, I was skeptical. Then she told me she had this really strong feeling to contact me immediately. When she told me that, I had a good feeling. After my husband and I talked to her, learned more about what she was doing, we prayed about it. We both felt like this could be a good step to take. So we did. And I don't regret it. I started everything when we got back from Cabo. I was scared at first, because I had been so sensitive to so many things in the past. But I tried to change my mindset. I told myself, if God wanted me to do this, it wouldn't cause me more problems. It was going to help me heal.

On to my 3rd week of this, and still no regrets. Last week I made more progress than I have been in over 8 months. I was able to drive, for the first time by myself, help my husband's parents with picking, shucking, and preparing corn to freeze for 8+ hours, and go to church for the full 3 hours yesterday. I start tearing up every time I talk about this. Because those of you who know me, or who have struggled with health issues themselves and aren't able to do much, this is monumental. My heart was so full of gratitude this weekend for being able to accomplish all of these. I know I'm not healed yet, but each day I will get closer and closer. And not only have I been taking some incredible products, but I have really changed my thinking patterns.

Lyme can really screw a person up mentally. The Lyme can over take you and your mind if you let it. However, you can't. YOU are in control. You CAN'T let Lyme control you. It's A disease, not YOUR disease. These words change you. Don't claim your illnesses. Don't let them define you. And this is what I did. I got so ill these last 7-8 months, it overtook my life. My mind. My thoughts. My faith. My everything. I never thought I'd get so bad in my life. Then I realized, if I can change my thoughts, my mind, retrain my sub-conscious mind, I can get better. I can do this. I will take control of my life back.

I became so hard on myself.  Guilt ate at me every single day. I felt like I was an inadequate wife. I couldn't be what my husband needed. I was too big of a burden for him. For anyone. I'm wasn't ever going to heal. I wanted to, but felt it was getting impossible. I've lost over 30 pounds and still think I'm "fat". I started hating myself rather than loving myself. I became more obsessed with being sick and fat and more focused on how I wasn't healing than being positive and having faith.

Why!? Why do we do this?? Because we let our thoughts take over our minds. We let the negative become our life. We think the harder we are on ourselves, the better people we can become. We have old thoughts/words stuck in our mind from what people said to us in our childhood or other times throughout our past. And we believed them. We created that/this life. So why not create the opposite? Why not create a good, happy life? Sure we will have struggles here and there, but having the best attitude and a heart full of gratitude at all time will ease these struggles.

This is why I created Healing Lyme With The Mind - Because it is possible. The saying "You can't expect anyone to love you until you love yourself" is beyond true. We MUST love ourselves. We have NO reason not to! God created us. He gave us this life. These bodies. They are gifts to us. We need to constantly treat them as gifts from God. They are sacred. So why torture them? Why criticize them? Do we do that to any other gifts? I would say hardly. We can overcome anything we put our mind to and have faith we can do it. We are all human. We've all had struggles and have struggles. That doesn't mean we love ourselves less and treat ourselves like we don't deserve the best. No matter where we came from, what we've done, who's hurt us, we can let it go. Move on. Create the life you want to live.

I have started this challenge on my FB Group - *All About Lyme - Holistic Healing*. I would love for everyone to join and follow along to Heal Lyme With The Mind . This isn't just for Lyme. It's for anything. Every day I have been posting a healing affirmation for people to save or print and read every day over and over to help them in their healing journey. I would love to receive any feedback, questions or if anyone just needs to chat, I'm here! :)

I will post all my affirmations I've made so far. Here's to healing and loving ourselves!

Starting our "Healing Lyme With The Mind" affirmations!! Feel free to print these off and place on your mirror. And repeat them to yourself all throughout the day!! 

Day 2: 

Day 3: Happy Thursday everyone!!! I hope you are all joining my "Healing Lyme With The Mind" affirmation journey  Today, my affirmation is one that means a lot to myself. Struggling with Lyme and other illnesses takes a toll on us emotionally and mentally. I know that I have become SO much harder on myself. I feel guilty a LOT and feel super inadequate. I catch myself thinking bad/negative thoughts about myself all the time. However, I'm changing that and I hope you can all do the same. We were all brought to this earth for a reason and each of our journey's are different, but no matter what, we can't stop loving ourselves!! Our bodies are a gift from God and we need to constantly treat it that way. Especially with our thoughts and our words. I've talked to so many people with Lyme or other illnesses and every single one of them have or had negative thoughts about themselves. Use this affirmation ALL day every day! And before bed!

Day 4:  Nothing is possible without faith. Especially healing  I have "Faith conquers fear" on my vision board. Super powerful! Start believing and see what happens 

Day 5: Repeating this every day multiple times will eventually make it happen! Happy Monday everyone!